Today, I decided to take a bold step and approach a chinese grocery shop asking them whether could I bake 20 sugee cupcakes and leave it at their shop to sell. If after 2 days, it is unsold, I will take it back. There is no loss to them at all. But they said they were told that they can only ready made food items if the cook/baker has a certificate of health compliance! I told them I am just a stay at home single mum who wants to make some extra cash of $30/week. But unfortunately the say the LAW says that they can only sell food stuff with compliance. To get the certificate, I need to have a registered business! I am not running a business, just want to earn some money for grocery. Even that, I am bounded by this thing called the LAW.
My dream is to be a stay at home mother until my son starts school and I am trying my best to achieve my dream but I seem to be STUCK by the LAW. I cant go home because the LAW says NO, so I try to sell cakes in shops but the LAW also requires certificate of health compliance and a registered business.
So, I try to approach an ex-company which was the small company I had worked for previously and I know the boss allows working from home. But what did I get - Err... Your ex-husband is a client of ours and are you able to put aside your differences and treat him as a client when he is your client and not a client when he is not? I thought to myself, if I say Yes, then I am lying and the boss must be stupid if he believes my lie so I might as well be honest and say Yes, there will be slight conflict of interest. And in return I get, your ex-husband is an important client. So I get the message.
New Zealand is a pathetically small country and the economy is so localised! How am I going to practice engineering without crossing path with my ex-husband's project sometime down the road? Can the stupid NZ LAW see what it has done to my life. I cant work in my field of practice and I cant work out of my field of practice.
Oh my goodness New Zealand law, please tell me what do you expect me to do. I cant go home, because of the LAW unless I give up my child, I cant work as a baker to earn some money because I dont have a registered business to earn that certificate, I cant really go back to my line of work because of conflict of interest in this small population with localised business instead of international business and then the LAW also says that the man does not need to provide alimony/maintenance or ensure that she has a roof over her head.
It's almost like a dictator country telling me I need to stay and to survive, I need to re-train myself for another profession!
Please someone out there or up there or anywhere, if you are able to help me out, please do. There is just so much determination one can have.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Conversation With God
I was given the Conversation with God series as a birthday gift. It is a very powerful book but I do ask - how do we know it is really God that is speaking to us? I do get little voice telling me stuff too but I am not sure whether it is God or just my conscience...
If it is God, then I will definitely be the 'odd' one out in my thinking.
With my situation, I keep asking, praying to God for enlightenment and discernment. Over and over again, I keep getting affirmation that I am not wrong in wanting to move on with my son without further involvement from the ex-husband while the rest of the world, the law, psychologist thinks it is better for the child if it is co-parenting.
This voice gave me an example. It says that when a woman marries a man, she becomes his missus so she becomes Mrs X. They become one body. And when they have a child, the child is a product of their union which means man, woman and child is one body. They become one complete body and no longer 3 separate entities. Therefore, when one of the member of the body walks out, which in my case, if the husband choose to walk out, he is not only walking on me. He is walking out of the body - the body that is him, myself and our child. So when I felt that I cannot fathom how the court can say that although my husband walked out on me, he didnt walk out on the child. We are all one body, not 3 separate entity!
I asked God and said that I want a better example. This little voice really gave me a simple example. The voice says - Imagine your left hand tells your body, you are not pretty, you are not fun. I want to be amputated and be on my own to have some fun. But after amputation, the left hand realised that if misses right hand because life with right hand is fun even though body is not fun. Could the left hand actually do that medically? Would the body accept left hand's temporary involvement and would right hand prefer to have left hand there on a 'as and when' basis? Or would it be better for the body to accept that the left hand is gone and the right hand then compensate for the missing left hand?
I still have trouble accepting that God or my little voice can have such 'ridiculous' discernment. I wanted example from the Bible! And strange enough my son turned on the Bible CD and it talked about Adam and Eve. Later, I turned the bible and it opened up the page "When a man divorces his wife, he is causing her to commit adultery". I was like "What does that mean?" The little voice says "The current law and humankind has allowed many things to happen on their own need and no longer the law of nature." We say that we want to shield our child from abusers, pedophile but we do not shield our child from wrongdoings. We are now exposing to our child that it is OK to walk out when the going gets tough, when you dont feel like trying anymore. Just walk out and it is OK. There is no repercussion for doing that. It is also OK to put your own need ahead of anyone else's. Love thyself and everyone else comes second. I guess those who strongly believe in the Book 1 of Conversation with God will say this is exactly what God says "The best Love is a self - centered love'. But my voice says "the Bible says Love your Neighbour as you would love yourself"
So, I guess a different God spoke to me compared to the God that spoke to Neale Donald Walsch? Or is it just our own conscience and upbringing speaking?
If it is God, then I will definitely be the 'odd' one out in my thinking.
With my situation, I keep asking, praying to God for enlightenment and discernment. Over and over again, I keep getting affirmation that I am not wrong in wanting to move on with my son without further involvement from the ex-husband while the rest of the world, the law, psychologist thinks it is better for the child if it is co-parenting.
This voice gave me an example. It says that when a woman marries a man, she becomes his missus so she becomes Mrs X. They become one body. And when they have a child, the child is a product of their union which means man, woman and child is one body. They become one complete body and no longer 3 separate entities. Therefore, when one of the member of the body walks out, which in my case, if the husband choose to walk out, he is not only walking on me. He is walking out of the body - the body that is him, myself and our child. So when I felt that I cannot fathom how the court can say that although my husband walked out on me, he didnt walk out on the child. We are all one body, not 3 separate entity!
I asked God and said that I want a better example. This little voice really gave me a simple example. The voice says - Imagine your left hand tells your body, you are not pretty, you are not fun. I want to be amputated and be on my own to have some fun. But after amputation, the left hand realised that if misses right hand because life with right hand is fun even though body is not fun. Could the left hand actually do that medically? Would the body accept left hand's temporary involvement and would right hand prefer to have left hand there on a 'as and when' basis? Or would it be better for the body to accept that the left hand is gone and the right hand then compensate for the missing left hand?
I still have trouble accepting that God or my little voice can have such 'ridiculous' discernment. I wanted example from the Bible! And strange enough my son turned on the Bible CD and it talked about Adam and Eve. Later, I turned the bible and it opened up the page "When a man divorces his wife, he is causing her to commit adultery". I was like "What does that mean?" The little voice says "The current law and humankind has allowed many things to happen on their own need and no longer the law of nature." We say that we want to shield our child from abusers, pedophile but we do not shield our child from wrongdoings. We are now exposing to our child that it is OK to walk out when the going gets tough, when you dont feel like trying anymore. Just walk out and it is OK. There is no repercussion for doing that. It is also OK to put your own need ahead of anyone else's. Love thyself and everyone else comes second. I guess those who strongly believe in the Book 1 of Conversation with God will say this is exactly what God says "The best Love is a self - centered love'. But my voice says "the Bible says Love your Neighbour as you would love yourself"
So, I guess a different God spoke to me compared to the God that spoke to Neale Donald Walsch? Or is it just our own conscience and upbringing speaking?
Friday, 27 January 2012
In The Best Interest of The Child
If someone ever quote to me In The Best Interest of the Child again, I will send them the link to my blog. I am so sick of hearing that sentence/quote over and over again by lawyers, psychologist, etc. Honestly, if these people who quote IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD could sleep with a clear conscience that this is what they did and not in the Best Interest of the Parent, then I rest my case with them. If these people could sit quietly and have a clear conscience towards themselves and God that they really think they put the child interest to the parent/s interest, then maybe my life journey and experience is totally different to them.
How could one quote In The Best Interest of The Child but expects the child to make all the adapting and changes and treating a child like a possession be In the Best Interest of The Child? It was two responsible adults who created the child and it was also the adults decision to walk out of a marriage so why should the child be the one that need to change and adapt? Has the law not decided that the adults should be the one that need to be punished for their decisions?
As a mother, In the Best Interest of the Child means the adults/parents need to make all the changes. I suggested to my ex-husband many times that we should try to live as housemate (as we do not have major conflict) but of course, it seems like the most ridiculous idea to him and his lawyer or maybe to the whole Kiwi nation. But it is not that unrealistic if that means the child need not live out of a suitcase. The child gets to see both parents at all times. I know it is also not uncommon in the Asian culture to 'stay together' for the sake of the child. That is being mature and un-selfish. Why should a child suffer for an adult's selfishness?
Alternatively, I suggested we live as neighbour so again the child get to see both parents all the time and could sleep in one place call home but go over to daddy's for a play. Again, this is considered a ridiculous suggestion.
I also said to my ex-husband we should have a relax arrangement which is come and see the child as and when you could especially if you are in the area. Drop in, play with the child and if it is bath time, bath the child, feed the child. But no, in the eyes of the LAW, this is wrong. We must treat the child like an ENTITY, a POSSESSION where a fixed time, a child must be with his dad and a fixed time with the mum - called a Parental Order. This is DEFINITELY NOT in the best interest of the child. If child spends Christmas with mum this year, he must spend Christmas with Dad next year. Come on, how could someone within the consciousness says that this is in the best interest of the child. It is in the best interest of the parent so that there is fairness in CHILD TIME DISTRIBUTION.
Honestly, the law is SO flawed now that I am not surprised why there is such an increase rate of suicide and mental health amongst the younger generation. The law is so afraid of offending one parent/party that it has lost track of its 'duty'.
Could there only be ONE King Solomon in this lifetime? Could no one else think and discern like King Solomon? The true classic parable of King Solomon:
How could one quote In The Best Interest of The Child but expects the child to make all the adapting and changes and treating a child like a possession be In the Best Interest of The Child? It was two responsible adults who created the child and it was also the adults decision to walk out of a marriage so why should the child be the one that need to change and adapt? Has the law not decided that the adults should be the one that need to be punished for their decisions?
As a mother, In the Best Interest of the Child means the adults/parents need to make all the changes. I suggested to my ex-husband many times that we should try to live as housemate (as we do not have major conflict) but of course, it seems like the most ridiculous idea to him and his lawyer or maybe to the whole Kiwi nation. But it is not that unrealistic if that means the child need not live out of a suitcase. The child gets to see both parents at all times. I know it is also not uncommon in the Asian culture to 'stay together' for the sake of the child. That is being mature and un-selfish. Why should a child suffer for an adult's selfishness?
Alternatively, I suggested we live as neighbour so again the child get to see both parents all the time and could sleep in one place call home but go over to daddy's for a play. Again, this is considered a ridiculous suggestion.
I also said to my ex-husband we should have a relax arrangement which is come and see the child as and when you could especially if you are in the area. Drop in, play with the child and if it is bath time, bath the child, feed the child. But no, in the eyes of the LAW, this is wrong. We must treat the child like an ENTITY, a POSSESSION where a fixed time, a child must be with his dad and a fixed time with the mum - called a Parental Order. This is DEFINITELY NOT in the best interest of the child. If child spends Christmas with mum this year, he must spend Christmas with Dad next year. Come on, how could someone within the consciousness says that this is in the best interest of the child. It is in the best interest of the parent so that there is fairness in CHILD TIME DISTRIBUTION.
Honestly, the law is SO flawed now that I am not surprised why there is such an increase rate of suicide and mental health amongst the younger generation. The law is so afraid of offending one parent/party that it has lost track of its 'duty'.
Could there only be ONE King Solomon in this lifetime? Could no one else think and discern like King Solomon? The true classic parable of King Solomon:
The story is recounted in 1 Kings 3:16-28. Two young women who lived in the same house and who both had an infant son came to Solomon for a judgement. One of the women claimed that the other, after accidentally smothering her own son while sleeping, had exchanged the two children to make it appear that the living child was hers. The other woman denied this and so both women claimed to be the mother of the living son and said that the dead boy belonged to the other.
After some deliberation, King Solomon called for a sword to be brought before him. He declared that there is only one fair solution: the live son must be split in two, each woman receiving half of the child. Upon hearing this terrible verdict, the boy's true mother cried out, "Please, My Lord, give her the live child—do not kill him!" However, the liar, in her bitter jealousy, exclaimed, "It shall be neither mine nor yours—divide it!" Solomon instantly gave the live baby to the real mother, realizing that the true mother's instincts were to protect her child, while the liar revealed that she did not truly love the child.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Survival
A friend commented on my FB how I am able to DIY (Do It Yourself) now. It makes me think... it's my situation that has turned me into a 'Anything Also Can Do' person. Before this, where life is comfortable, I prefer to rely on the conventional way which is BUY something that I need. But being thrown into this situation, my survival instinct has surfaced.
Clothing - I learned to knit and sew basic clothing items. With my new knitting skills, I am also trying (and hoping) that I could get some income of it. As for myself, I used to be ashamed of my petite size but now, it sure comes in handy. I not only could fit whatever I owned 15 years ago, I could also fit into children's clothing which is so much cheaper. Yesterday, I picked up 2 jackets for myself for $9.97 (for both jackets!) - a birthday present for myself after not buying anything for myself for 2 years. My son's long pants at 1 years old has now turned into shorts for him. Now, I am glad I didnt listened to those 'well-off' friends who commented why do I keep all my son's baby clothes! In fact, one of his 6 months old jeans is now a nice pair of shorts for him.
Food - Occasionally I crave for my hometown food like Laksa and Sar Hor Fun. I have learnt how to cook these dishes to feed my cravings. I also started exploring my baking skills which has resulted in a more confident me. Somehow as my survival skills submerge, I also feel more comfortable and confident with myself. Previously, I buy meat to suit a dish I want to make. Now, I just adapt and get the meats on special for the week and adapt my cooking to suit whatever meat/veges and ingredients I have at home. In fact, it turned out so much more special because it's all home made/ self invented dishes. Not a copy from some recipe books. I attempted to make the sausages for my son and wasnt sure of the response but considering he finished 75% it, it is a good testimonial that I can give my son good healthy food on a budget.
Needs - Although it is sneaky but hey, I am proud of myself for the survival skill. I was given a $30 voucher in an expensive sports shop but they didnt sell the bike helmet I wanted for my son. So the Asian brain kicks in - I bought an item from the shop for over $30 and put the rest on my credit card. A couple of days later, I returned the product saying that it was not suitable with receipt and everything intact. I got a refund of the whole sum into my credit card. Now, I have converted the $30 voucher into credit in my credit card and with that money, I could go to the bike shop and get my son's bike helmet! Hehe! My dad actually gave me a virtual pat on the back for that. :)
I also start looking at inorganic collection and collected toys that seem relatively good condition, clean it and voila, it's a new toy for my son. Kids have such short attention span, it really does not matter whether it is brand new LEGO or something picked up and cleaned and modified by his mother.
Thanks to trademe website, I also find whatever I could that I have and started selling it on the website. As the saying goes "One man's junk is another man's treasure"". :)
Overall, I guess this could be the silver lining in my situation. A more confident person in who I am and what I can do. As such, if it does rain 40 days and 40 nights (my son has been saying that it is going to rain 40 days and 40 nights!), I am not worried. As for knowing what I want in life, I know for sure now that I want a man who is a REAL MAN. One who knows what a MAN should do and how he should be as a husband and a father. The MAN that GOD intended when he created Adam.
Clothing - I learned to knit and sew basic clothing items. With my new knitting skills, I am also trying (and hoping) that I could get some income of it. As for myself, I used to be ashamed of my petite size but now, it sure comes in handy. I not only could fit whatever I owned 15 years ago, I could also fit into children's clothing which is so much cheaper. Yesterday, I picked up 2 jackets for myself for $9.97 (for both jackets!) - a birthday present for myself after not buying anything for myself for 2 years. My son's long pants at 1 years old has now turned into shorts for him. Now, I am glad I didnt listened to those 'well-off' friends who commented why do I keep all my son's baby clothes! In fact, one of his 6 months old jeans is now a nice pair of shorts for him.
Food - Occasionally I crave for my hometown food like Laksa and Sar Hor Fun. I have learnt how to cook these dishes to feed my cravings. I also started exploring my baking skills which has resulted in a more confident me. Somehow as my survival skills submerge, I also feel more comfortable and confident with myself. Previously, I buy meat to suit a dish I want to make. Now, I just adapt and get the meats on special for the week and adapt my cooking to suit whatever meat/veges and ingredients I have at home. In fact, it turned out so much more special because it's all home made/ self invented dishes. Not a copy from some recipe books. I attempted to make the sausages for my son and wasnt sure of the response but considering he finished 75% it, it is a good testimonial that I can give my son good healthy food on a budget.
Needs - Although it is sneaky but hey, I am proud of myself for the survival skill. I was given a $30 voucher in an expensive sports shop but they didnt sell the bike helmet I wanted for my son. So the Asian brain kicks in - I bought an item from the shop for over $30 and put the rest on my credit card. A couple of days later, I returned the product saying that it was not suitable with receipt and everything intact. I got a refund of the whole sum into my credit card. Now, I have converted the $30 voucher into credit in my credit card and with that money, I could go to the bike shop and get my son's bike helmet! Hehe! My dad actually gave me a virtual pat on the back for that. :)
I also start looking at inorganic collection and collected toys that seem relatively good condition, clean it and voila, it's a new toy for my son. Kids have such short attention span, it really does not matter whether it is brand new LEGO or something picked up and cleaned and modified by his mother.
Thanks to trademe website, I also find whatever I could that I have and started selling it on the website. As the saying goes "One man's junk is another man's treasure"". :)
Overall, I guess this could be the silver lining in my situation. A more confident person in who I am and what I can do. As such, if it does rain 40 days and 40 nights (my son has been saying that it is going to rain 40 days and 40 nights!), I am not worried. As for knowing what I want in life, I know for sure now that I want a man who is a REAL MAN. One who knows what a MAN should do and how he should be as a husband and a father. The MAN that GOD intended when he created Adam.
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
East meet West 'Lap Cheong' (chinese sausage)
My son loves sausages so I thought since it's chinese new year, I will try to make my own version of lap cheong. I looked around and found this packet of dried collagen sausage casing with provided strings to tie the lap cheong. I remember a friend suggested to add some sticky rice with my minced meat mixture to bind the meat properly though I dont really think it is necessary but I did it to give it the effect of 'fat' instead of real meat fat. :) So here is my version of a westernised lap cheong. :)
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| Lean minced meat for healthier option. Notice the rice? |
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| Stuffing the casing with the meat - yuckiest part of the process |
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| A stuffed casing |
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| Tied to make smaller pieces. |
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| Those meat only fill up 2 casings! |
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| Being grilled in the oven instead of deep drying |
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| My lap cheong pieces :) |
It is not exactly the best looking but it sure tastes yummy and much healthier as I know what meat I put in it and not oily at all.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
A la Natural
I had comments regarding my sugee cake asking me whether I would decorate the cake. Seems like a plain looking cake is no longer appealing even though it is a quality cake. I found out people rather choose a lower quality cake less butter, less eggs, uses shortening but look pretty i.e nicely decorated with icing and figurines than a simple quality cake using good ingredients.
I on the opposite, do not mind looking and admiring at those beautiful decorated cake but if I were to eat a cake, I prefer a plain simple cake where I can taste the flavour of the cake rather than one that is masked by the sweetness of icing or fondant.
Which makes me think about myself. I am just a plain jane. My make up has been with me for over 10 years and still sitting there because I probably only wear make up a few times a year for special occasion. On daily basis, I prefer to be natural. Just myself with some moisturiser and a dab of lip gloss. No wonder my taste in food is also plain. I like food where I can taste the natural flavour of the food rather than one that is all sauces/iced up.
But nowadays, it seems that nobody feels comfortable with their natural ways. I remember once when I got to Queen Bee's house early and she says "I cant go out because I havent put on my face". Is this what the world has become? Everyone becomes an actor/actress and have to put on a face before they dare to step out of their comfort zone. Is that why there is a rise in divorce because who you date and who you end up marrying is different because on dates, there is a 'face' put on but behind closed door, the 'face' comes off and a totally different person submerge - be it physically or psychologically. Are most people now having two personality and look? One for the public and one for behind closed door?
I wear my emotions on my sleeve and find that in New Zealand, it is so unacceptable. If you cry in public, it is an indication that you have mental illness! If you laugh loudly, you are weird. Once, when my son was only 1 years old and he laughed really loudly, a kid about 5 years old said to his mum "That boy is weird". I was thinking to myself, it is such a pity a 5 years old have such inhibitions about himself and not carefree to laugh and cry in public.
Recently, my son found himself a girlfriend a couple years older than him. I take him to the park and play with her and I play along with her. As I am petite, I can still play many of the playstuff in the park. I do noticed other parents staring at me, thinking that I am still a kid. But why cant we just really let ourself free and really look at life as a kid? Why just because we are all grown up, it is unacceptable to play with a kid stoop to their level rather than as an adult?
I know I am plain and will not change that. I will not start putting on a face just to 'belong' to the rest of the society. In saying that I dont condemned people who feels the need to put a face because it is who they are and what makes them comfortable. As for my sugee cake, it shall remain sugee cake that is un-iced because I want people to experience the flavour of the cake, not just admire the cake.
I on the opposite, do not mind looking and admiring at those beautiful decorated cake but if I were to eat a cake, I prefer a plain simple cake where I can taste the flavour of the cake rather than one that is masked by the sweetness of icing or fondant.
Which makes me think about myself. I am just a plain jane. My make up has been with me for over 10 years and still sitting there because I probably only wear make up a few times a year for special occasion. On daily basis, I prefer to be natural. Just myself with some moisturiser and a dab of lip gloss. No wonder my taste in food is also plain. I like food where I can taste the natural flavour of the food rather than one that is all sauces/iced up.
But nowadays, it seems that nobody feels comfortable with their natural ways. I remember once when I got to Queen Bee's house early and she says "I cant go out because I havent put on my face". Is this what the world has become? Everyone becomes an actor/actress and have to put on a face before they dare to step out of their comfort zone. Is that why there is a rise in divorce because who you date and who you end up marrying is different because on dates, there is a 'face' put on but behind closed door, the 'face' comes off and a totally different person submerge - be it physically or psychologically. Are most people now having two personality and look? One for the public and one for behind closed door?
I wear my emotions on my sleeve and find that in New Zealand, it is so unacceptable. If you cry in public, it is an indication that you have mental illness! If you laugh loudly, you are weird. Once, when my son was only 1 years old and he laughed really loudly, a kid about 5 years old said to his mum "That boy is weird". I was thinking to myself, it is such a pity a 5 years old have such inhibitions about himself and not carefree to laugh and cry in public.
Recently, my son found himself a girlfriend a couple years older than him. I take him to the park and play with her and I play along with her. As I am petite, I can still play many of the playstuff in the park. I do noticed other parents staring at me, thinking that I am still a kid. But why cant we just really let ourself free and really look at life as a kid? Why just because we are all grown up, it is unacceptable to play with a kid stoop to their level rather than as an adult?
I know I am plain and will not change that. I will not start putting on a face just to 'belong' to the rest of the society. In saying that I dont condemned people who feels the need to put a face because it is who they are and what makes them comfortable. As for my sugee cake, it shall remain sugee cake that is un-iced because I want people to experience the flavour of the cake, not just admire the cake.
Monday, 23 January 2012
Chinese New Year - Welcome the Water Dragon
Yesterday mark the first day of the water dragon year. I woke up feeling very homesick. I went into youtube to look for some chinese new year songs to play but it just doesnt seem right without all the noise. I then went into my FB and look at all the reunion dinner food and the floodgate opened up. But as my friend put it, let it be a soul cleansing. My brother then messaged me with the time where everyone would be gathered at my grandma's.
Firstly, I am glad for technology. Despite being unable to get home due to the idiotic LAW, I am glad I could still see my family and relatives. I chatted with my grandma. Even though I see her once a week on skype, her dementia makes her think that she only sees me once a year. Kind of remind me of a toddler. They dont know the difference between today, tomorrow and yesterday. Despite that, she still remembers me...
I was feeling really lonely once I logged off skype. I had a chat with the water dragon. I was hoping the water dragon will be like the water horse - our saviour and our friend. At the same time, I told the water dragon to keep my grandma healthy so that I can at least see her one last time...
Today's blog, I will dedicate to the water dragon together with this picture I found in my friend's FB page. It is a very nice picture of the dragon. Shows strong characteristic but yet gentleness and humour in the eyes and smile.
By the way, thank you water dragon for bringing me my first sugee cake order. :) More orders please! Kong Hei Fatt Choy.
Firstly, I am glad for technology. Despite being unable to get home due to the idiotic LAW, I am glad I could still see my family and relatives. I chatted with my grandma. Even though I see her once a week on skype, her dementia makes her think that she only sees me once a year. Kind of remind me of a toddler. They dont know the difference between today, tomorrow and yesterday. Despite that, she still remembers me...
I was feeling really lonely once I logged off skype. I had a chat with the water dragon. I was hoping the water dragon will be like the water horse - our saviour and our friend. At the same time, I told the water dragon to keep my grandma healthy so that I can at least see her one last time...
Today's blog, I will dedicate to the water dragon together with this picture I found in my friend's FB page. It is a very nice picture of the dragon. Shows strong characteristic but yet gentleness and humour in the eyes and smile.
By the way, thank you water dragon for bringing me my first sugee cake order. :) More orders please! Kong Hei Fatt Choy.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Psychologist, Psychology, The Law Versus Human Instinct
Psychologist says that physical bonding with the father is very important for the child development and psychology. OK, I can accept that. But to what extend the importance of this area of psychology until it supercede other areas? So a child feeling unsettled from spending nights at different places, wetting themselves from the instability, crying themselves to sleep, not wanting to bath because they are not comfortable, only eating unbalanced food is considered OK because they will soon adjust and adapt.
OK, I am no psychologist. I am just a mother. Do those symptoms above not indicate that a child is psychologically affected? So why is it a lesser evil compare to the physical bonding with the father? Why do we say that child will adapt and accept that he has to live under two different type of care and instability but we cannot say the same that a child will adapt and accept that his father has walked out of the family?
As it is said, all this came about in the recent 10 years because of some father movement. So why the past DECADES, child/ren from a broken family still survive? In fact some of the most prominent figures are brought up by a single parent - be it divorce or death of a parent. Or why the psychologist then differs from the psychologist now?
My question - are the psychologist and law really based on the best interest of the child or did this stem from a disgruntled father movement started 10 years ago? ( I do wonder why these disgruntled father's never change the law with God to allow them to get pregnant too!)
On the psychology aspect, which psychology effects has lesser/lower long term effect - 1) the divorce or 2) the result of the divorce.
I guess most will say the result of the divorce. OK, so this is the two scenario from my perspective as a mother.
1) Father and mother divorce. Mother and child move on with life with mother trying her best to provide and nurture. Yes, father figure is gone on a permanent basis but child still continue being in contact with father. Child grows up understanding that divorce happens, the sacrifice of mother as well as father to ensure a stable upbringing. Mother and Father has minimal conflict as mother appreciates the sacrifice the father puts in for her and the child to move on. Child remind to self that a marriage require hard work, not just a bed of roses. Child recognise the sacrifice the father has to give up and the sacrifice mother has given. As such, when child gets into a relationship and marriage, he/she is very cautious but will give their best as they do not want their children to end up the way they were.
2) Father and mother divorce. Child is split like yo-yo between mother and father. No two people are alike so under mother's care, there is a set of rules and under father's care, there is another set of rules. In some, there are even differences in believes and culture (in my case). If child is still a toddler, there is so much confusion and instability. Then as child grows older, they discover the differences/feud between mother and father could be taken to their advantage and take that conflict to their advantage turning father and mother against each other. Meanwhile, deep in their mind, it could sway both way. Either they are so afraid of marriage because of the conflict and scar of their parents or they take marriage easily. They could learn from their parents that when the going gets tough, just walk out. Besides, it's the modern world now, you can protect yourself with Family Trust, pre-nup so there's no big loss. And the law protects your right as parent over your children so you can still have them. So why should they make an effort to stay in a marriage.
I could be cynical towards the law, psychologist and politicians because I find that most people now prefer to 'hide' behind laws/studies/ etc and put aside the gift of discernment, the gift of instinct given to them. They have fear to use their instinct because it has no scientific backing so it is safer to stick to something that has a backing.
All I feel is my instinct, my protective nature as a mother is being challenged in the name of the law and psychology. There is no more freedom to be the way you are and to love your child the way you want. If you protect them, there is a limit because it then becomes over protective. If you nurture them, cross the limit, you are called not giving them the freedom. If you care for them and cross the limit, it becomes you are their servant and get reminded that you must be the boss.
If any psychologist reading this, I am happy to have a chat and take up any challenges you want to throw my way as long as that will provide a better life for my child and I. A freedom to love and care without boundary.
OK, I am no psychologist. I am just a mother. Do those symptoms above not indicate that a child is psychologically affected? So why is it a lesser evil compare to the physical bonding with the father? Why do we say that child will adapt and accept that he has to live under two different type of care and instability but we cannot say the same that a child will adapt and accept that his father has walked out of the family?
As it is said, all this came about in the recent 10 years because of some father movement. So why the past DECADES, child/ren from a broken family still survive? In fact some of the most prominent figures are brought up by a single parent - be it divorce or death of a parent. Or why the psychologist then differs from the psychologist now?
My question - are the psychologist and law really based on the best interest of the child or did this stem from a disgruntled father movement started 10 years ago? ( I do wonder why these disgruntled father's never change the law with God to allow them to get pregnant too!)
On the psychology aspect, which psychology effects has lesser/lower long term effect - 1) the divorce or 2) the result of the divorce.
I guess most will say the result of the divorce. OK, so this is the two scenario from my perspective as a mother.
1) Father and mother divorce. Mother and child move on with life with mother trying her best to provide and nurture. Yes, father figure is gone on a permanent basis but child still continue being in contact with father. Child grows up understanding that divorce happens, the sacrifice of mother as well as father to ensure a stable upbringing. Mother and Father has minimal conflict as mother appreciates the sacrifice the father puts in for her and the child to move on. Child remind to self that a marriage require hard work, not just a bed of roses. Child recognise the sacrifice the father has to give up and the sacrifice mother has given. As such, when child gets into a relationship and marriage, he/she is very cautious but will give their best as they do not want their children to end up the way they were.
2) Father and mother divorce. Child is split like yo-yo between mother and father. No two people are alike so under mother's care, there is a set of rules and under father's care, there is another set of rules. In some, there are even differences in believes and culture (in my case). If child is still a toddler, there is so much confusion and instability. Then as child grows older, they discover the differences/feud between mother and father could be taken to their advantage and take that conflict to their advantage turning father and mother against each other. Meanwhile, deep in their mind, it could sway both way. Either they are so afraid of marriage because of the conflict and scar of their parents or they take marriage easily. They could learn from their parents that when the going gets tough, just walk out. Besides, it's the modern world now, you can protect yourself with Family Trust, pre-nup so there's no big loss. And the law protects your right as parent over your children so you can still have them. So why should they make an effort to stay in a marriage.
I could be cynical towards the law, psychologist and politicians because I find that most people now prefer to 'hide' behind laws/studies/ etc and put aside the gift of discernment, the gift of instinct given to them. They have fear to use their instinct because it has no scientific backing so it is safer to stick to something that has a backing.
All I feel is my instinct, my protective nature as a mother is being challenged in the name of the law and psychology. There is no more freedom to be the way you are and to love your child the way you want. If you protect them, there is a limit because it then becomes over protective. If you nurture them, cross the limit, you are called not giving them the freedom. If you care for them and cross the limit, it becomes you are their servant and get reminded that you must be the boss.
If any psychologist reading this, I am happy to have a chat and take up any challenges you want to throw my way as long as that will provide a better life for my child and I. A freedom to love and care without boundary.
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Sugee Cake
I make this sugee cake to usher in the dragon year which begins tomorrow. Sugee cake is a soft butter cake made with semolina flour and a high concentration of eggs. For this cake, I use 6 eggs! It is a dessert served in Eurasian, Malay and Chinese cuisine. It is quite a common cake served during Chinese New Year. For this cake, I added almond powder and topped it with almond slivers.
Although it is rich (lots of eggs and butter), it is quite light for eating. It does not fill you up and is good with chinese tea over some chit chat session. It is a no frill cake. :)
I have decided to sell this cake to help me pay my bills and overdue lawyer fees... :( so if you are one of my readers in New Zealand, please forward my brochure below. Thank you.
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| Straight out of the oven |
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| The inside of the cake |
I have decided to sell this cake to help me pay my bills and overdue lawyer fees... :( so if you are one of my readers in New Zealand, please forward my brochure below. Thank you.
Friday, 20 January 2012
'Grandma' goes pub crawling
Last night, which typically is a 'sad' night because I dont have my son with me ended up as an adventure for me aka Grandma. My friend took me out for a belated birthday treat and after that suggested that we go to a bar that is owned by her family friend.
It is my first time out at night in a pub for over 4 years and my first time having a cocktail since I last had 5-6 years ago. Luckily the pub had a nice ambience, no loud music and there was a nice couch next to the patio heater. I was actually enjoying myself, sipping my Jager Mule. :) Then two men approached us. My first thought "Huh, I am a mother. Why would they want to come over?" I have changed my mindset so much that I only see myself as a mother and not a woman.
So this is the conversation between me and that guy. A sure way to kill any guys interest! :D
Guy : Hi, my name is ***
Me : Hi, I am Pauline
Guy : Do you come out here often?
Me : Nope, first time in probably 4-5 years
Guy : Wow! Do you just stay at home?
Me: Yes, because I am a MOTHER.
Guy : Oh, arent you a bit too young to be a mother?
Me: Nope but thanks for the compliment.
Guy : What do you like to do?
Me : Knitting and reading
Guy: What do you read?
Me : Aliens Love Underpants, The Poo Bus, Monster Sleepover (OK, I could have said Liz Young's Asking for Trouble but I decided not to)
Guy : Oh OK.
Me : I also cook for my son and make funny dishes. I then went on about my Marmite Pasta dish, cheese on toast with marmite, my son's marmite smeared face, etc
Haha! That was boring enough he actually excused himself and went to approach other girls.
So while my friend was talking to the other guy, I started daydreaming and imagined 15 years from now, my son could be hanging out in a pub like this picking up girls... But at least it is a very nice decent looking quiet pub. I started having imaginary conversation between my son and his girl.
Unfortunately, I got disturbed out of my sweet daydream by that guy again! He came back and together with his friends suggested that my friend and I go to another bar and check out a band. I was like thinking "Uh? This place is nice" but my friend said it will be nice.
So the grandma me tagged along and we went into this loud bar. When I walked in, even though the people there are around my age, I actually felt like a grandma walking in. I felt totally out of place!
Guy : Can I buy you a drink? (I've got to give him credit for his persistency)
Me : Nope. I dont want to drink anymore.
Guy : Errr.. OK
I ignored him and started people watching.
Guy : You should let loose and dance and enjoy.
Me : Nah, I am OK watching people
Guy (probably his last drunk attempt) : You have nice legs!
Me : Thanks.
He completely gave up and walk away. Meanwhile this grandma here was watching and noticing how the guys are all there to charm and the girls are all there to impress. I cant believe 7-8 years back, I am one of these people. But now, I am like an outsider watching and just felt that this is no longer my scene. I feel most comfortable at home in my PJ's being with my son watching Jake and the Neverland Pirate.
I even think at one stage I subconsciously went 'tsk tsk' and sighed when I see people lip singing to the band and shaking their heads.
Anyway, the grandma in me got really tired and couldnt stop yawning which put any guys off. And my friend got me home 5 minutes to midnight. Ah, bliss to be away from the music and the party scene.
Now, I am definitely doomed not to meet any guys with my attitude and interest in life... but I am also proud of myself to see how much I have changed and am comfortable with myself. Years back, I would have tried to say things to impress or maybe not to offend but now, I just say what I want and do not care if I am out of place or no guys approaches me.
It is my first time out at night in a pub for over 4 years and my first time having a cocktail since I last had 5-6 years ago. Luckily the pub had a nice ambience, no loud music and there was a nice couch next to the patio heater. I was actually enjoying myself, sipping my Jager Mule. :) Then two men approached us. My first thought "Huh, I am a mother. Why would they want to come over?" I have changed my mindset so much that I only see myself as a mother and not a woman.
So this is the conversation between me and that guy. A sure way to kill any guys interest! :D
Guy : Hi, my name is ***
Me : Hi, I am Pauline
Guy : Do you come out here often?
Me : Nope, first time in probably 4-5 years
Guy : Wow! Do you just stay at home?
Me: Yes, because I am a MOTHER.
Guy : Oh, arent you a bit too young to be a mother?
Me: Nope but thanks for the compliment.
Guy : What do you like to do?
Me : Knitting and reading
Guy: What do you read?
Me : Aliens Love Underpants, The Poo Bus, Monster Sleepover (OK, I could have said Liz Young's Asking for Trouble but I decided not to)
Guy : Oh OK.
Me : I also cook for my son and make funny dishes. I then went on about my Marmite Pasta dish, cheese on toast with marmite, my son's marmite smeared face, etc
Haha! That was boring enough he actually excused himself and went to approach other girls.
So while my friend was talking to the other guy, I started daydreaming and imagined 15 years from now, my son could be hanging out in a pub like this picking up girls... But at least it is a very nice decent looking quiet pub. I started having imaginary conversation between my son and his girl.
Unfortunately, I got disturbed out of my sweet daydream by that guy again! He came back and together with his friends suggested that my friend and I go to another bar and check out a band. I was like thinking "Uh? This place is nice" but my friend said it will be nice.
So the grandma me tagged along and we went into this loud bar. When I walked in, even though the people there are around my age, I actually felt like a grandma walking in. I felt totally out of place!
Guy : Can I buy you a drink? (I've got to give him credit for his persistency)
Me : Nope. I dont want to drink anymore.
Guy : Errr.. OK
I ignored him and started people watching.
Guy : You should let loose and dance and enjoy.
Me : Nah, I am OK watching people
Guy (probably his last drunk attempt) : You have nice legs!
Me : Thanks.
He completely gave up and walk away. Meanwhile this grandma here was watching and noticing how the guys are all there to charm and the girls are all there to impress. I cant believe 7-8 years back, I am one of these people. But now, I am like an outsider watching and just felt that this is no longer my scene. I feel most comfortable at home in my PJ's being with my son watching Jake and the Neverland Pirate.
I even think at one stage I subconsciously went 'tsk tsk' and sighed when I see people lip singing to the band and shaking their heads.
Anyway, the grandma in me got really tired and couldnt stop yawning which put any guys off. And my friend got me home 5 minutes to midnight. Ah, bliss to be away from the music and the party scene.
Now, I am definitely doomed not to meet any guys with my attitude and interest in life... but I am also proud of myself to see how much I have changed and am comfortable with myself. Years back, I would have tried to say things to impress or maybe not to offend but now, I just say what I want and do not care if I am out of place or no guys approaches me.
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