A couple of days ago, my friend mentioned that NZ is strongly against 'copying' of CD. I was going to write my comments on it but the last few days, I just felt so down. I felt lost, hopeless, alone and miserable. After crying for 2 days and 2 nights, nothing has changed but the tears have dried up. There is nothing left in the well to come out (at least for today). So I thought I should share my comment on 'copying' of CD since the SOPA thingy is being talked about.
I agree that pirating disc/music/books or whatever for the purpose of making an income is definitely wrong. But if I am just copying because I like the music/show and solely for my own use, I dont see it as being that wrong. If we look at it the other way, say if I am the singer/actor, I would feel honoured that someone like my song/show so much that they want to keep a copy of it even though it is not the 'correct' way. That means my show/music is not only limited to the 'affordable' circle but everyone whether they are rich or poor, educated or uneducated.
I was so sure that if I share the above, I will get lots of critical,cynical comments but not after today. I saw in Paulo Coelho's blog how he 'support' the piracy of his own books! This is his comment regarding his "pirate" site. "Pirate Coelho is a site that was hosted somewhere, with a collection of my texts in P2P pages. It was not me who put it there, but being adept of free contents, I put this URL here. I am just facilitating." Enjoy. http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2009/08/31/pirate-coelho-2/ (note, he might remove the link tomorrow).
We need more people with Paulo Coelho's open minded thinking.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Will Someone Up there Please Listen
I have to live in NZ because the father of my son has put a non-removal order. I cant take my son home even for a holiday. To do so, I would need to apply to court, pay a bond to the court and then pay for my return ticket which is not more than 1 month but the whole cost of doing this is NZD10,000 or more. Each time I want to go home I have to do this process until he turns 16. Here, I get no support. When I am sick, no one care for me. When I am crying, no one lends me a shoulder to cry. When I am lonely, no one puts aside their own interest and come and be with me and listen to me. They will be with me on condition I listen to them. Everyone has a piece of advice but no one wants to listen to my heart. What I feel is not important but what everyone else feels is important. I have no more rights, not even the right to have my own feelings.
All in the name of the law. My life will be that way.
God promises to listen, to deliver, to help but everyday, it just seems bleaker. My son will never know his Asian culture. My parents will never have a chance to know my son. By the time he is 16, my parents might not even be alive. My grandmother will be dead. I will just cry in my room because I am not allowed to attend her funeral with my son . Unless she can live till 110.
The law in NZ does not recognise the difference between a woman and a man. We have different needs and different emotional level. No, it does not matter. Nothing matters. Everything is so cold. Lawyers act according to the NZ law even though they feel it is unjust. Judges are constrained by the law.
If there is someone out there/up there, please do something for us. Please dont just cross your arms and sit back.
All in the name of the law. My life will be that way.
God promises to listen, to deliver, to help but everyday, it just seems bleaker. My son will never know his Asian culture. My parents will never have a chance to know my son. By the time he is 16, my parents might not even be alive. My grandmother will be dead. I will just cry in my room because I am not allowed to attend her funeral with my son . Unless she can live till 110.
The law in NZ does not recognise the difference between a woman and a man. We have different needs and different emotional level. No, it does not matter. Nothing matters. Everything is so cold. Lawyers act according to the NZ law even though they feel it is unjust. Judges are constrained by the law.
If there is someone out there/up there, please do something for us. Please dont just cross your arms and sit back.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Being a Parent is More than just Biological
I am having a huge meltdown while writing this and my son is having his nap. The only time I do not need to hold up a front, be a brave soldier and can let my emotions out.
It will be chinese new year in a few days time and the loneliness, the craving for love, family support, being in a family gathering is all coming to me. Not being allowed to return home to attend my good friend's wedding last week makes me feel very angry.
I am angry with the so called LAW. Who make these laws? Humans. On what basis are these laws made? By some psychologist who are also human! No two human are alike! My life is now a result of some people who quotes the law and psychologists.
NZ law emphasised so much on PHYSICAL BOND with the father. There is more to a relationship than a physical bond. If I were to summarise what the psychologist says "If a child does not have physical bond with his father at his young age, he will not know his father. " Does that mean many years back those soldiers and sailors do not have any relationship with their child/ren? Love is an intangible feeling and if someone is really genuine in loving someone, no matter where they are in the world, nothing can break it.
Asian culture emphasised on a stable foundation and here in NZ, they emphasised on physical bonding. Which is the lesser evil psychologically? They always say a child is resilient but honestly, how many kid have they interviewed on their opinion in living out of a knapsack? Even movies show that a child living out a knapsack will carry that 'scar' with them forever.
I remember back in the older days, it is the duty of a woman/mother to care for her child should the marriage dissolve. And the child grows up being cared for by the mother in an ENVIRONMENT that the mother is supported. Mother and child move on and start live anew. Child and mother accepted that father has left the unity of marriage and family. When one gets married, they become one and if they have a child, they become one. When one chose to leave the unity, that's it, they leave, and the left behind of the unity moves on. Maybe because I am traditional and an engineer, that is how I feel about marriage and family. A simple mathematical equation. Of course, if the one that left chose to remain in contact,then it is great but not to the expense of hurting or imprisoning the mother and child.
It does make me think... if the marriage had taken place in my home country and the break up occurred there, would the father have stayed in my home country where he will be the 'odd' one out in terms of skin colour and culture just for the sake of his son? Or would he move back to NZ and resigned to fate that he will see his son whenever he goes over to visit? If things were not that convenient for him, would he have fought for his son?
Lastly, all these emphasis on physical bonding and family law but I do not feel a sense of filial piety here. It is the norm to assume that once one parents grow old, they go to retirement home/nursing home. When one child grows up, they leave and if they choose to stay at home, they have to pay rent. In the end, it is so 'business-like' in a family environment. The Asian culture will not charge their own kids rent even if they are 50 years old. The Asian culture teaches that life is a cycle/circle. We take care of our children when they are young, give them the best and as such, they know and understand and in return take care of us when we are old. Another reason why I yearn to go back. Besides being a mother, I am also a daughter. My parents are ageing. It is now my turn to take care of them.
Just read what I wrote. It sounds like a jumble of thoughts and feelings. It doesnt even make sense. It is a mixture of my feeling as a mother and as a daughter. My feeling of love for my son. My feeling of anger and loneliness and frustration. It is all a mixture of every feeling. I read in Conversation with God that Love is a summation of all emotions/feelings. So maybe this can be summed up in one word - my feeling of LOVE for my child, my family and maybe even my ex-husband. If I had not loved him, I will not feel hurt and angry. So I must have felt love to feel hurt... and the realisation that he probably had not loved me as he is indifferent towards how I feel. Well, what the heck, it is my blog and I am upset so I am just going to write how I feel as I have no one whom I can talk to...who will just listen and not try to tell me what I should do and how I should live.
It will be chinese new year in a few days time and the loneliness, the craving for love, family support, being in a family gathering is all coming to me. Not being allowed to return home to attend my good friend's wedding last week makes me feel very angry.
I am angry with the so called LAW. Who make these laws? Humans. On what basis are these laws made? By some psychologist who are also human! No two human are alike! My life is now a result of some people who quotes the law and psychologists.
NZ law emphasised so much on PHYSICAL BOND with the father. There is more to a relationship than a physical bond. If I were to summarise what the psychologist says "If a child does not have physical bond with his father at his young age, he will not know his father. " Does that mean many years back those soldiers and sailors do not have any relationship with their child/ren? Love is an intangible feeling and if someone is really genuine in loving someone, no matter where they are in the world, nothing can break it.
Asian culture emphasised on a stable foundation and here in NZ, they emphasised on physical bonding. Which is the lesser evil psychologically? They always say a child is resilient but honestly, how many kid have they interviewed on their opinion in living out of a knapsack? Even movies show that a child living out a knapsack will carry that 'scar' with them forever.
I remember back in the older days, it is the duty of a woman/mother to care for her child should the marriage dissolve. And the child grows up being cared for by the mother in an ENVIRONMENT that the mother is supported. Mother and child move on and start live anew. Child and mother accepted that father has left the unity of marriage and family. When one gets married, they become one and if they have a child, they become one. When one chose to leave the unity, that's it, they leave, and the left behind of the unity moves on. Maybe because I am traditional and an engineer, that is how I feel about marriage and family. A simple mathematical equation. Of course, if the one that left chose to remain in contact,then it is great but not to the expense of hurting or imprisoning the mother and child.
It does make me think... if the marriage had taken place in my home country and the break up occurred there, would the father have stayed in my home country where he will be the 'odd' one out in terms of skin colour and culture just for the sake of his son? Or would he move back to NZ and resigned to fate that he will see his son whenever he goes over to visit? If things were not that convenient for him, would he have fought for his son?
Lastly, all these emphasis on physical bonding and family law but I do not feel a sense of filial piety here. It is the norm to assume that once one parents grow old, they go to retirement home/nursing home. When one child grows up, they leave and if they choose to stay at home, they have to pay rent. In the end, it is so 'business-like' in a family environment. The Asian culture will not charge their own kids rent even if they are 50 years old. The Asian culture teaches that life is a cycle/circle. We take care of our children when they are young, give them the best and as such, they know and understand and in return take care of us when we are old. Another reason why I yearn to go back. Besides being a mother, I am also a daughter. My parents are ageing. It is now my turn to take care of them.
Just read what I wrote. It sounds like a jumble of thoughts and feelings. It doesnt even make sense. It is a mixture of my feeling as a mother and as a daughter. My feeling of love for my son. My feeling of anger and loneliness and frustration. It is all a mixture of every feeling. I read in Conversation with God that Love is a summation of all emotions/feelings. So maybe this can be summed up in one word - my feeling of LOVE for my child, my family and maybe even my ex-husband. If I had not loved him, I will not feel hurt and angry. So I must have felt love to feel hurt... and the realisation that he probably had not loved me as he is indifferent towards how I feel. Well, what the heck, it is my blog and I am upset so I am just going to write how I feel as I have no one whom I can talk to...who will just listen and not try to tell me what I should do and how I should live.
Monday, 16 January 2012
The Poo Bus
I am blogging this in front of the bathroom, waiting for my son to finish his play in the bath. I got this book out from the library last weekend. I didnt know how my son will react to it but I guess he likes the way I read it so we read it everyday and he 'reads' it by himself in the toilet.
Now, he says "Goodbye, poo poo" before we flushes the toilet and of course, I have to add "Have a fun time Uncle Toad!" :) In fact, I think I also 'believe' the book. I do wonder what happens when I flush the toilet but now I can imagine Uncle Toad driving the first poo leading the remaining poos heading towards the seaside. :) It will be a gross book but if you are open minded (and of course my friends know that the toilet is my 2nd home), it is a funny book. It sheds a new light to your daily excretion. :) For those who find difficulty going to the toilet, maybe the book will help you ease yourself much easier.
"All aboard the poo bus!"
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| Front cover |
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| Back cover |
Now, he says "Goodbye, poo poo" before we flushes the toilet and of course, I have to add "Have a fun time Uncle Toad!" :) In fact, I think I also 'believe' the book. I do wonder what happens when I flush the toilet but now I can imagine Uncle Toad driving the first poo leading the remaining poos heading towards the seaside. :) It will be a gross book but if you are open minded (and of course my friends know that the toilet is my 2nd home), it is a funny book. It sheds a new light to your daily excretion. :) For those who find difficulty going to the toilet, maybe the book will help you ease yourself much easier.
"All aboard the poo bus!"
Marmite Pasta
I am sharing this because over the weekend, I discovered my friend's housemate absolutely dislike Marmite/Vegemite. Just the mention of it, he will squirm in such a way, it cracks me up. :) So I decided to take pictures of my marmite pasta dish and upload it. Maybe one day by serendipity, he will stumble upon my blog and he will know who wrote that. He could be reading it with his grandchild and say "I know this blogger. She makes marmite with cheese on toast for her son, Urrggghh!"
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| A healthy dose of butter |
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| With lots of garlic and onion and big spoonful of marmite |
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| The meat is browned in marmite juice :) |
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| Add the pasta |
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| And lightly tossed eggplant with a spoonful of marmite. Into the oven it goes to be baked |
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| Final result which my boy loves - the taste of marmite with grated cheese! |
Formal vs Informal Learning
I have been hassled left and right to put my son in a full time kindy. I was like, why the rush? He is only 3. Yes, I will look for a kindy for him but only the public kindy where its 2.5 hours a day. I will not put him in a half day ( 4 hours) or full day kindy.
My reasons - he is only a toddler ONCE in his life. Why are we living in such a kiasu world that we feel the need for our 3 years old to know his ABC and 1,2,3 all the way to 100 when they are only 3? Nursery, childcare, kindy only come about in recent years. I am sure when I was a toddler, I was a 'stay at home' toddler.
I started kindy at the age of 5, where before that I feel that informal learning at home can be so beneficial. I go to the market with my grandmother, sees how she haggles for vegetables, meat, etc. I helped my grandfather brew chinese medicine, I followed my uncle to his school. All these are priceless learning. I feel that learning is not only contained in an institution.
And they are only toddler once in their life. Why do I want to start him on an alarm clock at 3 years old so that he could get to kindy on time when he will be living on the alarm clock for the rest of his life? He will need to wake up on time once he starts school, then it's university, and then work. There will be no other chance in life where he can sleep in and have a nap/siesta in the afternoon. No other time in his life he could be this carefree and no responsibility.
I am not being possessive for not putting my child in full time kindy. I just want him to enjoy his toddler-hood. It's only once in a lifetime. I want him to play and gain his own confidence. Although my son doesnt attend kindy, I find his confidence surpasses a lot of children who attends childcare/nursery/kindy. He is not clingy, goes off to play with anyone in any situation, he can signs his nursery rhymes and also can count. I have set time where for 1 hour a day, I will home school him and the rest of the time, he just learns from observing me or playing.
FYI, I dont think I turned out that bad either for starting kindy at 5. I did graduate as an Engineer and had a JPA scholarship to fund me through uni. It does not mean a later start = slower in life!
My reasons - he is only a toddler ONCE in his life. Why are we living in such a kiasu world that we feel the need for our 3 years old to know his ABC and 1,2,3 all the way to 100 when they are only 3? Nursery, childcare, kindy only come about in recent years. I am sure when I was a toddler, I was a 'stay at home' toddler.
I started kindy at the age of 5, where before that I feel that informal learning at home can be so beneficial. I go to the market with my grandmother, sees how she haggles for vegetables, meat, etc. I helped my grandfather brew chinese medicine, I followed my uncle to his school. All these are priceless learning. I feel that learning is not only contained in an institution.
And they are only toddler once in their life. Why do I want to start him on an alarm clock at 3 years old so that he could get to kindy on time when he will be living on the alarm clock for the rest of his life? He will need to wake up on time once he starts school, then it's university, and then work. There will be no other chance in life where he can sleep in and have a nap/siesta in the afternoon. No other time in his life he could be this carefree and no responsibility.
I am not being possessive for not putting my child in full time kindy. I just want him to enjoy his toddler-hood. It's only once in a lifetime. I want him to play and gain his own confidence. Although my son doesnt attend kindy, I find his confidence surpasses a lot of children who attends childcare/nursery/kindy. He is not clingy, goes off to play with anyone in any situation, he can signs his nursery rhymes and also can count. I have set time where for 1 hour a day, I will home school him and the rest of the time, he just learns from observing me or playing.
FYI, I dont think I turned out that bad either for starting kindy at 5. I did graduate as an Engineer and had a JPA scholarship to fund me through uni. It does not mean a later start = slower in life!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Turning old to new
Today, 16 January 2012, I decided to restore my old mirror with all the shells my son collected. I kept all the shells he collected as I was too 'sentimental' to chuck them out. Besides, I checked the feng shui book and it looks like I could do with some mirror in the house. So here is my attempt to turn something old into a new look with recycled material.
I am quite proud with the final product. Now I can hang the mirror in the auspicious corner in the house and not worry about selling the mirror in trademe.
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| My old bathroom mirror |
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| Transformed with shells |
I am quite proud with the final product. Now I can hang the mirror in the auspicious corner in the house and not worry about selling the mirror in trademe.
Dragon Baby
Last night, I had a very nice dream. Every girl's type of dream... :) Sad to say, it is just a dream and reality strike when I open my eyes. But that doesnt stop my urge to think about my dream and wished it would come true. Then maybe I could have the dragon baby I had always wanted. For ages, I always wanted a dragon baby. Today, at the park, I seem to see so many lucky women who will be having a dragon baby and envied them like a green eyed monster. It brought me back to an article I saw recently in NZ Herald of that Asian girl advertising for sperm donor as she wants a dragon baby. She said she is 30 now and could not wait another 12 years to get her dragon baby. Her parents has given their blessing for her to look for a sperm donor. I guess like all Asian parents, her parents are also dying to have a dragon grandchild...
As it write this, I am wondering, how many responses have she gotten? Does she have a enough to even spare me one? (tsk..tsk.. how could I think of that knowing that raising a child is so costly in NZ but it's my heart/desire talking/thinking...)
In another perspective, having a sperm donor sure cuts out all the hassle you get with child custody when something goes wrong. All I wanted when the marriage broke up is our son... nothing else but just my little bundle of joy, my salvation, the love of my life.
Will I get my dragon baby? I am much older than that Asian woman and to wait another 12 years, I would have hit menopause. Will God make this special miracle for me ? The proper acceptable way of course! - no one night stand suggestion please.
As it write this, I am wondering, how many responses have she gotten? Does she have a enough to even spare me one? (tsk..tsk.. how could I think of that knowing that raising a child is so costly in NZ but it's my heart/desire talking/thinking...)
In another perspective, having a sperm donor sure cuts out all the hassle you get with child custody when something goes wrong. All I wanted when the marriage broke up is our son... nothing else but just my little bundle of joy, my salvation, the love of my life.
Will I get my dragon baby? I am much older than that Asian woman and to wait another 12 years, I would have hit menopause. Will God make this special miracle for me ? The proper acceptable way of course! - no one night stand suggestion please.
Purple
Now that I have 'graduated' from my knitting, I can take orders and my first order is a purple scarf and a purple beanie for my little boy. He is a purple boy! His next order is pirate! Yikes, I have not reached that level of expertise yet. He has to wait!
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| Tried to match the ribbed pattern on the scarf |
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| Staggered ribbed pattern for masculinity |
Typical Saturday
Saturday
again. I hate Saturday - it's the morning where I wake up without my son.
I was
feeling sorry for myself today as I had to turn down an invite to dim sum due
to my financial situation. I dragged myself out of bed, make breakfast, turned
on my computer for the usual mail and FB routine. There was a mail from a
friend challenging me to make a CNY fan. I took the challenge and am quite
proud with the result.
I felt perkier and decided to cook a special meal to
welcome my son home.
I made up my own 'honey soy tongkwai chicken stuffed with
oranges in its cavity' meal and put everything in a slow cooker and treat
myself to a home cooked spaghetti alio olio. It was yummy, dosed with extra
garlic and improvised with cili padi and continued watching Julie and Julia. It
has taken me the whole week to watch it and have yet to finish watching it!
After lunch, I decided to get the right cord to make a mystic knot. So with my
paper bag (as I do not know how to describe the cord, I thought I will just
show them the handle of a paper bag!), I head out towards the craft shop.
Suddenly, I had a meltdown inside the car.
I felt angry and sad that this is my
life.
I wished very ill thoughts towards the ex-husband.
I walked into the
craft shop with red puffy eyes and I couldnt care less. However browsing
through all the yarns and crafts calms me down. By the time I got to check out,
I was OK and was mildly surprised the cord that I was holding has a 50% discount
on it. Now, that is something good for my sucky life.
I went home and with
determination tried to learn the mystic knot. After many attempts, I have
decided to rename it Mysterious Knot! I could not get my head around it. So I
settle for something simpler - the Good Luck knot.
Again, quite proud to say I
achieve that quite easily and hung the knot to my fan.
Now that I
am calmer and awaiting the return of my son, I should say that if my son had
not come into my life, which eventually led me to leave my job as an engineer
which resulted my husband (now ex) to leave me, I would still be living a
'convenient' life where I could buy everything.
But because I am in this
situation, I have learnt survival skills and a 'can do' attitude. I told
myself, if someone could do that stuff, I could too. I would have not attempted
to knit or bake or do any craft if I was not in this situation. So I guess the
saying there is a silver lining is true although I do wish it is more than just
a silver lining. (perhaps win Lotto tonight!)
I am now waiting for the return
of my son and the smell of my honey soy tongkwai chicken stuffed with orange is
so appetising. Off now to prepare cous cous with that nutritious juice.
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