Reactive Law

I came home from church today and saw this pamphlet in my mailbox.  It was a personal appeal to launch Christie's Law by Sensible Sentencing Trust after the murder of Christie last year.  Christie lives on the road parallel to the road I live in.  I remember on the morning Christie was murdered, I heard lots of sirens and didnt think much about it until I saw in the North Shore Times, the story of her murder.  Here is a link to her murder story.  http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5940887/Family-hold-on-to-memories-of-Christie-Marceau

My reaction to this pamphlet - a good move and hopefully it can change the law but to Christie's parents, siblings and boyfriend, Christie is already dead.  No matter what we do now, the fact that Christie was murdered will not change.  

But what affected me is the way the law works.  Despite constant complains and facts indicating that there is a major flaw in the law, nothing is done or it is conveniently ignored until something happens.  But that usually mean it is too late for the people involved.  

So far only the family law has been my constant daily struggle.  I have repeatedly told lawyers over and over again, presented mental health reports, psychologists reports that putting a toddler to live out of a knapsack can have quite a significant mental effect on the child.  But all I get is:

 

1)  These research articles/facts are from the USA.  Seriously, are children in the USA different from NZ?  People have realised that the so called Best Interest of the Child is not working, that's why a research has been undertaken!

2) The LAW requires the child to live out of a knapsack so it is OK.  We cannot be unfair to either parent.  

Honestly, the Law is man made but to be treated like it is a Bible and the veto decision over a parent's opinion seem very extreme and lack of discernment in the so called justice makers.  

So what happens now?  The law changed 15 years back to remove custody and expect equal share of the child and child living out of a knapsack.  Then flashforward 10 years, these children all grown up and then there is a significant rise of mental health amongst the youth and youth suicide.  But to change the law is a long tedious process so the 'people' of power/ law makers just ignore the issue and pretend that it is unrelated.  Maybe then one day,  an outspoken psychologist comes along and make sure that his findings/views are heard.  But what does that mean to my child?  Too late.  He has already suffered the psychological and mental damage.  

Look at Christie's killer, Akshay Chand.  Only 18 and what triggered in him to murder?  His life is over, he is hated by Christie's family and friends while his family and friends feel hurt and sorry and try to put the blame on someone/something.  It's human nature to just want to blame someone or something.  Maybe blame the law?  Maybe blame the racism?  They can continue blaming and and the LAW can continue shirking responsibility but in the end it is the people affected that gets hurt.  

It is my son's future that I am fighting for.  I do not want him to be another statistic.  It's time the law makers be a bit more proactive rather than reactive.  Dont wait for something to happen, another teen murderer due to mental health, another dead teen before you go in depth and realised it is the law that enables all this to happen.  

If there is more repercussion in the law, whether it is murder or divorce, people are less likely to commit the wrongdoings.  A simple cause and effect rule that works in all aspect of life.  

I Miss My Son

Its almost midnight and I can't stop thinking about my son. We have never been apart this long. I hate this stupid, idiotic law. HATE it!

Being Asian...Being Catholic

Last night, I felt that beside physically losing my son, I am also losing him as in losing him completely.  I hear stories and from my on observation, I can see that this is inevitable.


I hear stories of divorced children from mixed cultural marriage as they grow up start denouncing their Asian heritage.  It is the same story whether it is the mother that is Asian or the father that is Asian.  The Asian parent 'loses' out in a western country.  Somehow being Asian is considered 'un-cool'.  And in a divorced situation where the child have a choice, the choice is to be cool which is being NOT an Asian or have any association with it.  


In my case, I am a double 'un-cool' because I am also a Catholic.  That is SUPERBLY un-cool - Catholic and Asian in a modern westernised county.  


I try speaking to my son in Chinese but he has no interest to learn it, I take him to a Chinese community playgroup and he didnt want to attend after the first class...  This is just the beginning of indirectly denouncing his Asian heritage.  With the non-removal order in place, it is definitely inevitable by teenage years, he would completely denounce his Asian heritage and will not be surprised denouncing his Catholic upbringing too... 


I blame the law for this although readers and people out there can say it is up to me how much I want to influence him in his Asian heritage.  Sorry, they are wrong.  When he goes to school, it will be his peers and fitting in that matters.  It's not so much the parent anymore.  Especially in my case, where he does have a choice between living a complete Kiwi lifestyle which is carefree and loose or a strict cultured Asian Catholic upbringing.  


Silly jokes like this shows that people do not realise and respect the Asian culture though the joke is meant in a well mannered way -  "He might not denounce you because you are Hot.  He can show off to his friends how Hot his mother is."  I am his mother and I want him to be proud of me because I am his Mother, his Asian mother, not because I look young and petite.  


What is so humiliating being an Asian?  I have met Asians that grow up in this country that says I am as much Asian as I look.  The rest of me is Kiwi. I dont practice any Asian culture and have no interest in any Asian culture.  Why is that?  What is so embarrassing about the Asian culture/food?  

A system so flawed, a system of oppression

D-day hurt me to the core.  I am going to fight the flawed oppressive system in NZ all by myself as someone who is more traditional in my believes.  


1)  Convenience in Getting a Divorce and Protection
1 out of 3 marriages in NZ ends up in a divorce.  Why isnt this ringing alarm bells in NZ?  Because you can obtain a divorce so easily with zero to non repercussion.  Why?  Because in NZ if you throw a stone and if it lands on someone head, I bet you that person has a Family Trust.  Almost everyone has a Trust even little kids! With protection from a Trust, people are less willing to 'make it work'.  It's so easy to set up a Trust and as long as you set it up before having proof of a serious relationship with the other party.  Simple scenario - You meet someone and kissed her and maybe have sex with her (sex is so random and free in NZ!), then you go "uh huh, I'd better quickly set up a Trust in case things get serious or she gets pregnant!".  That's it, you are now protected in terms of your assets and property.  So now, with a more relax attitude, you freely have sex and then she asked for commitment, you say OK but what is commitment? It's just standing in front of a bunch of people saying the same words that your forefathers said but now those words carry no depth - "till death do us part, in sickness and in health".  It's just words to utter to make everyone happy.  When the going gets tough, OK, time to get the hell out of there. Get a lawyer, sort out the relationship property which luckily most of it is in Trust and move on.  So simple.  


If there is a child involved, that is the beauty of a Trust.  Manipulate your Trust to provide yourself a lower income so that you pay lower child support.  Or go fight for 50/50 custody so that you dont even have to pay for child support!  How beautiful is that to be a man in NZ?  As for the woman/ex-wife that is left behind, "OK, you are out of my responsibility now.  Bye bye!"


Changes That Should be Looked At
Well I am sure we cannot abolish Family Trust because many men/women out there will complain that there are women/men out there who are vultures and just marry and divorce to get money. OK, I agree that these vultures exist so I have no comments regarding Family Trust.  It should stay the way it is.  


But we can change the divorcing rules to make it harder and people feel more committed to make it work.  For example Malaysia and Singapore, if you divorce your wife, you have to pay her maintenance until she dies or re-marries!  What is classified as maintenance?  Let's see, how about paying for her basic living expenses.  Now, wouldnt that make any couple think twice or maybe thrice before saying "It's not working out, let's divorce".  I have seen many couples stay together for the sake of the children but also because they say divorce is so expensive.  Might as well stick with it!




2) Rights and Children
Over and over again, I hear a child has 2 parents, both parents deserves the child or  better phrased in a politically correct way, the child deserves equal time with both parents.  Alright, I do agree with that comment but is it taken in the context of a child's best interest (seem to be the popular phrase in the family court!).  To be honest, it is taken in the best interest of the parent!  


Many years ago, in the event of a divorce, it is without a doubt the child will be in the custody of the mother. But in the recent 10-15 years, this dynamic has changed to 'care of child'.  I can see how that comes along as fathers feel that they have their rights over the child too.  I am not disputing that fact.  But what I am disputing is the interpretation of these father's right and best interest of the child has gone so far off tangent that it has become a personal vendetta between the parents rather than really for the child.  


Changes That Should be Looked At
I am very traditional and have always believed that a child should have one place called home.  I totally disagree that a child should be treated as a yo-yo being pushed to live out of a knapsack on the basis of being fair to a father and a mother. To prove my point, a MALE mental health worker supports this thought.  
http://www.theledger.com/article/20120128/NEWS/120129672?p=2&tc=pg


Let's look at it this way, in a married stable family, the husband is usually the provider and his involvement in a child (namely toddler as it applies to me) is basically bathing and playing with him.  The caring and nurturing is the role of the mother.  So should this dynamic not stay to ensure the child grows up knowing the respective role of being a Father and being a Mother.  
A psychologist Robert Emery (male again!) has called this the approximation rule for post divorce care arrangement.


So what I am asking is to re-look at why is there such emphasis on the young child (toddler) living out of a knapsack, such insecurity and instability for a child's mind.  Can the law not accept Man and Woman are different.  We will never be alike, emotionally we are different.  So have the child placed with the mother as their Home and the father visits, takes the child out, play with the child.  The child still has contact with both parents and despite coming from a broken family, the child recognises the role of being a Father and being a Mother and this is important in their upbringing because they then know their role whether as a Father or a Mother.  God never intended equality when he make Man and Woman and in parenthood.  If he did, he wouldnt make Woman to carry the child for 40 weeks in her womb.  He knew the Woman will be the nurturer.


On a more personal note:  I am a child that lived out of a knapsack.  I spend weekdays at my grandparents and weekends at my parents. as both my parents work and it was a suitable arrangement for the adults.  My grandparents love me to bits and my parents too so I am considered lucky to be loved so much and am settled in both houses. But how the first 5 years affect a child cannot be underestimated.  I noticed I have a tendency for attachment to things / people.  As I grow up and also I have been to counselling, the counselor is not surprised that it could be linked to my instability in my childhood. No doubt I was loved by my parents and grandparents and they have the same culture and upbringing, but I am a child with developing mind.  I was probably confused and the only thing that was stable for my was Dolly who was with me weekdays and weekends.  So in a way, I have developed that attachment and fear of losing things. Quoting from an advert - The yo-yo sleeping arrangement was like 'now  you see it, now you dont'.  


So now, it hurts me to see my child going through the same process I went through and I am beginning to see that he is also getting a sense of attachment to toys/soft toys.




3) Non- Removal Order - action and reaction
With the increase of cross-country/ cross cultural marriages, Non-Removal Orders can be taken out so easily.  Just state your fear and you will be granted a non-removal order and the other party will be left with the agonising emotional and financial threat of that order.  Firstly, I feel that the non-removal order is a action/reaction process.  Let's look at why someone wants to leave the country:
i) so much conflict that it is draining all the energy out
ii) emotional support (one always choose to leave to return to home country for that support)
iii) financial support (NZ law does not require the man to pay any maintenance!)
iv) cultural difference


And let's look at why someone takes out a non-removal order?
i) Afraid that the child is taken out of the country and never see the child again (always this reason is used in court)
ii) or is it just a personal thing/ a way of controlling? (never the reason but mostly the actual intending reason)


Changes That Should be Looked At
As I have mentioned, it is a action/reaction process.  The person who wants to leave is usually being pushed to a corner financially and emotionally that all they seek is love and support from people who loves them.  It is a reaction to the other's party action.  As such, some of us asked for permission to relocate while some just take the drastic move to run away.  The silly ones that ask for permission to relocate (yours truly) thought it is being open and honest but resulted in a reaction that resulted in the non-removal order. So this whole process is a cycle of action resulting in reaction! 


So to ensure that everything is done in good faith, when a Non-Removal Order is taken out, the party that takes out the Order should also be told that since it is a somewhat imprisonment (as the other party cant leave the country with the child without paying you/the court a bond (note, a hefty bond too!)), then the criteria for taking the order is the party has to provide with the imprisoned party a roof over their head.  They have to pay for the mortgage/rent of the mother and child.  If the party refuses to do so, then it is clear it is all about personal control rather than really wanting to have the child stay in the country!  


The Current Trend of The Family Law in NZ and its Effects on the Younger Generation


1) The sanctity of marriage is no longer sacred.  The words "till death do us part, in sickness and in health" bears no weight.  Why should it with the current protection the law provides?  First, start up a Trust.  It is better than a pre-nuptial.  Once the money side of things are taken care of, go into a marriage casually.  And with the current upbringing, it is OK to walk out when things are not working out.  My upbringing from my parents/grandparents is "You have make that decision.  Stick with it thought thick and thin!".  So the law has somehow allowed what I call 'easy way out'.  


2)  Children are commodity, not little humans with emotions.  Ha, I am sure any lawyers especially child advocates will completely disagree with me and cursed me too.  I am just speaking as a mother.  A mother who loves her child so dearly that I am labelled as over possessive.  In more traditional and religious countries, the role of a Mother and a Woman is respected and they understand that women are emotionally different.  As such Man also respect that this woman who is the mother of his child.  I agree if the father is completely alienated from the child, then it is wrong but if the father still has contact and plays an important role in the child's life, why is pushing/forcing a child to live out of a knapsack so important.  It is almost like "It is within my rights, so I want it".  I really would like to add my 2cents thought here.  I noticed a trend in mental health amongst youngsters and also an increased in youth suicide rate in NZ.  Is this a bi-result of this Family law?


3) As such, a child grows up being unsure of their respective roles.  A boy from a broken family will grow up thinking that I can have equal rights with the woman which from a traditional point of view means, I dont really need to respect the woman and her emotions.  Secondly, he will also learn that it is OK to marry and divorce because there is no real repercussion.  If the child is a girl, she will grow up (if she picks up her mother's hurt) having doubts about man.  


4) As we are trying to encourage a cross-cultural diverse world, the Non-Removal Order and the law is having the opposite effect.  In hindsight and more prepared now, I see women thinking about their future.  They make sure that their rights and the child's right is protected in their home country too.  As such, the law has created a drift/kink in a cross cultural marriage.  Now that many of us has started sharing our hurts, other women know that if you deliver your child in that country, if anything happens, you are bound by that country's law.  Because of that many Asians I know have decided it is safer to deliver the baby in their home country, gain the right to live/ residence there and let the child have the father's home country citizenship for descent.  If only I was given that advice...  


5) Again from a traditional point of view, the current trend in Family Law will result in a morally loose younger generation with no sense of responsibility and respect.  


What am I fighting for?  I am fighting for my child's stability and my financial and emotional stability.  I am fighting for someone to acknowledge the current family law trend is very flawed to the extend of oppression. 
Everything has become so businesslike.  I was brought up that when a man marries a woman, they become one and if there is a child, they are all one big family.  When one walks out, they walked out of the union, they have disappointed both the other parent and the child.  For that action, there should be repercussion so that they know and understand their decision.  But the current family law has given them the protection and rights so people walked out of relationship so easily.  I never thought I will be a divorced woman, I never wanted to divorce, I wanted to stay on for the sake of the child.  I thought all my intentions are for the best interest of the child but looks like this is a selfish world.  You dont stay on if you are unhappy.  You just move on and hey, the child will adjust and adapt!

Till Death Do Us Part

Tomorrow is D-day.  The day I have to listen to a bunch of people who do not know my child talk about the BEST INTEREST of My Child.  Because of this, I am feeling and wishing that some people who have loved me unconditionally could be here tomorrow, holding my hands, making me feel loved.  


First is Ah Qong.  I realised that I have not left Ah Qong's side until I left to go to uni in May 1997 and he passed away soon after in October 1997.  Our bond goes beyond the physical realm... I remember once when I went to Langkawi with some friends, Ah Qong had a dream and walked all the way over to see me and warned me not to help anyone carry their luggage.  We often dream and connect with each other somehow, someway.  When Ah Qong went back to China which he reckons will be his last time, his health took a turn and he slipped into a coma.  I was beside myself and wanted to fly there but of course I couldnt.  All I could do was try to connect with him and it felt like we connected.  He woke up and according to my cousins, the first thing he asked for was the jade he bought for me.  Despite the fact that Ah Qong cannot write English and I couldnt write Chinese, we communicated via mail when I was away in uni and get our letters interpreted.  In August 1997, I remembered dreaming that Ah Qong is sick.  I queued up to use the public phone to see whether he is OK.  He actually fell sick 2 weeks after my dream.  He got well and when I returned home for my semester break, God took Ah Qong back.  It was very quick.  I was still playing with Ah Qong that evening and that night, it was like his time is up.  Very peacefully he slipped out of the world. I was with him, holding his hand, screaming at the doctors like a lunatic... Our bond was unconditional and it was really till death do us part (physically)...  I am blessed to have 20.5 years with you and the world is lucky to have 87.5 years of you.  


Subsequently in 1998, I attended LSS in SFX and missed my grandfather so much.  I prayed for another Ah Qong.  When I opened my eyes, there was this old man praying near me.  He looks quite similar to Ah Qong.  I went up to him and another bond was formed - Grandpa Boey.  I hung out with Grandpa Boey and his evergreen friends after church each Sunday.  I clung on to him like my 2nd grandfather.  When I graduated in 2000, I even took Grandpa Boey and his evergreen friends to my hometown for a visit.  The whole trip back (3.5 hours) was bliss.  It felt like my own Ah Qong but english speaking sitting with me in the car.  Again, God has HIS plan... after the visit to my hometown, Grandpa Boey returned home and got sick.  I see this energetic old man slowly depleting away... I was angry with God for taking my new found Grandpa away.  However, he also moved on to be with God in May 2000, I was with him till his last few hours... till death do us part Grandpa Boey.  It was a good 2+ years.  The bond helped me slowly heal...


I moved to NZ and here I met a special girl, Sandra.  Our friendship was short but she is so open, so loving, so carefree and so pretty.  The 6 months friendship, I felt that she shared with me everything and vice versa. In a way, we were similar in personality.  We dont like secrets and we blab out everything.  She is always smiling so people assume she is on top of the world.  A great smile and a great face.  We tend to judge on the surface.  Inside, she does have her own turmoil but I was also to wrapped up in my own life to realise that.  In fact, the word here is TOO SELFISH of me.  When I get the call in reply to my text message to her telling me that Sandra is now with God, I cried.  I cried partly because I missed her and her true friendship but partly also because I am angry with myself for not being a better friend.  I  cried myself to sleep and that night because I was thinking of her so much, I dreamt of her.  It was no consolation...  For tomorrow's D-day, if only Sandra will be here.  I know she will hold my hands and wipe my tears for me.  I still miss her till today and it has been 7 years since her passing.  


Grandma Paula - I guess I am really upset with God for taking you away last year  when I really needed you most.  When you approached me in church, I never knew I would grew that attached to you.  I remember those times I talk to you about McLeod's Daughters, having apple sauce with our dinner.  I look forward to the day of the week where I can come over to your place for dinner.  When I am at my lowest, when nobody knew the sense of loss I felt, you were the only one who let me cry it all out and after crying until there were no more tears, you just let me sit there and didnt once say a word.  Your expression shows it all. It was no judgement, no comments, but just be there for you type of friendship.  The few months leading to your passing, all we both talked about is going Home.  No one knew how much it meant to us, for you it is back to your own house and for me, back to my own home country with my child.  Now, you are Home with God.  I am upset and angry but you left a good message for everyone - Miss me a little, but let me go...  I miss you a lot but am trying to let you go but really wish you could be here for me tomorrow. Despite our age difference, we had a good 7 years of bonding, relationship.  


Last is my own Poh Poh.  Still very much alive and am hoping and praying that I could be with her for her last few years.  She will be 90 this year.  


Sometimes I wish death do not exist... as I lost people who loved me dearly and unconditionally through death and these are the few people I know I can count on tomorrow to hold my hands, to just be there without judgement or comments.  To let me be me...

Ignorant, Ignorant, Ignorant!

When I started this blog, I had no where to turn to because every Kiwi I speak to has only one thinking and I thought felt I was alone in my weird thinking.  But since then, I no longer felt alone... I was sent thisblogtalkradio http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jon-hansen/2012/01/28/a-tender-trap-how-women-work-the-system-in-custody-battles and it is really a summation of my past few musings...


One thing in common - all these blogtalk, articles, medical publications, mental health workers are all from the United States of America.  

Fairness

My brother posted in his FB, "is there fairness?"  I commented to him, I dont think there is fairness.  In fact, what is fairness?  Isnt it just a relativity term?  A term use for when we compare against something and is not happy with the comparison?


When God created man, he didnt create 'fairness'.  He make MAN and WOMAN completely different.  If fairness were to occur then, Eve will be complaining to God why is Adam bigger, tougher and Adam will complain why is Eve prettier, daintier.   If fairness were to occur, then both man and woman should be able to pro-create without the need of each other.  So I think God created things/people to complement each other instead of equal/fair.   


I was thinking if we were to take the word FAIRNESS, I can imagine the bum telling God, why do I have to do all the dirty job and the brain just sits up there doing all the clean job and getting all the glory! :)  But imagine without the bum, would brain be able to sit up there comfortably?  So I guess the word here is equal importance instead of fairness?


Aha, so maybe in my custody case and the so called father fight for his rights/fairness, the law and men should step back and see their 'equal importance' in a child rearing situation rather than fighting for rights/fairness.  Women are made to nurture and care so leave that to the mother of the child.  Do not fight for equality/fairness by wanting to take the child away from the mother.  Instead do your duty as a father/man and provide for the child's welfare and education.  Then the child will grow up understanding the importance of A FATHER and A MOTHER even if they are not together.  But the law and disgruntled father movement has resulted in a confusion with the role resulting in the current and future generation to behave the way they are because of the confusion with their respective roles and responsibility.  


There is no longer a distinct difference between man/woman now because of all the equality/fairness/rights movement.   It is really sad.   If only we can accept our own uniqueness and then maybe the word FAIRNESS and UNFAIRNESS will no longer be in our vocabulary.  Also if people can be happy for others, fairness is also achieved.  If the rich can be happy to see their poorer counterpart getting rich instead of thinking that it is unfair how he/she could be rich. If MAN can accept their role and responsibility as different to a WOMAN and vice versa, then there is less need for comparison.  If not, unfairness will always be there FOREVER.  

Equality, Racism and All that

This is probably continuation of my musing yesterday.  I see in my FB newsfeed articles on racism in Malaysia. Sigh! Seriously racism does occur every where.  Malaysians, wake up, for I have finally woken up.  Like the rest of Chinese Malaysians, I also thought that we were not treated fairly, equally, blah, blah.  OK, maybe to some extent, we are not as privileged as the Malays but does it only occur in Malaysia?  Nope, it occurs anywhere else in the world.  Do you really think in a western country, we as Asians will be treated with equality and no racism.  I see Anti-Asian sentiment everywhere in western country.  Sometimes even as jokes - 'chinky', yellow skin, slitty eyes, our accent by mocking some Asians inability to pronounce R and S.  In comparison, where else in the world can you find a country that observes a Chinese New Year, a Malay New Year, a Western New Year, An Indian New Year and all other races important celebration?  Sure, here in New Zealand, they put up some shows for the Chinese New Year but it is not observed as an important  holiday for us Chinese.  The celebration that is put up is for entertainment purpose, not really explaining the root and meaning of the celebration.  


On the religion side, we can have churches, temples, mosques and they are all respected place of worship.  Our chinese culture is also respected.   We are allowed to have street performances for 1 month during Hungry Ghost Festival!  Come on, try doing this in a western country and you will probably be laughed at.  What?  The chinese really think that the Hades gate open and the souls are roaming the streets eating and watching shows?  - that would be the reaction you get from most (Note most but not all) western counterparts.  


So in terms of racism, I will say No-lah, there is no difference whether you are in an Asian country or western country, whether it's amongst Asian/Asian or Asian/Western.  It occurs everywhere so there is no 'grass is greener' the other side.  Unless maybe you return your origin country!  Even then, I believe some level of racism will still occur.  


As for equality, there is no such thing as Women and Men are equal.  For those feminist women (which I once was), no matter where you are in the world, you are still less preferred for higher position compared to men.  There is still  a salary difference between men and women and it is justified by the 'organisation' as women commitment will be less as she will ultimately want to have a family and might leave the workforce.  So a woman is a riskier investment for corporate gain.  


So, the same goes for family.  Men, why do you have to hurt women for fighting for equality in parenting?  Did God not make it so clear that men provide, women nurture even as early as the conception stage?  All it takes is few seconds for the MAN to provide what is necessary for conception but it takes the WOMAN 40 weeks to nurture that conception.  If God wanted equality, he would have allowed men and women to reproduce without the need for each other.  


Now, for the western idolisation, we Asians arent that bad.  Maybe we are shy, not as outspoken but that doesnt make us any less capable.  Remember Tunku Abdul Rahman gained independence for us in 1957 from the western rulers because he believes we are equally as good ourselves.  But from then many of us still believe we were not good enough so we want to study in a western country, migrate for a better life in a western country, pay the westerners a huge salary when they work as expat in our country because we take it as a blessing to have them in our company.  Aiyah...


As for me, I will be happy if I never work as an engineer again, as long as I can be the mother for my child until he is of age, if I have to cook and bake and knit till then.  As for where I live, I no longer idolise the western world and I am willing to put down my ego and say that I have make a mistake.  Something that most Asians fail to admit is to let down their ego and admit their mistake.  I have honestly found happiness in being a mother and if I could be with him and nurture him the way a mother should, I am willing to give everything else up.  

A Better Life

I have a new neighbour and they moved here from their home country to have a 'better life'.  I noticed with us Asians, we always seem to think if we can migrate and live in a western country, we are considered seeking a better life for ourselves and our family.  But is it really just our Asian perception that our Asian country is not good enough?  I am one who used to think the same that a better life is in a western country.  


But what is a better life?  My new neighbour is an exec in his home country but now have to work in a petrol station as a pump attendant.  They have no car and he says life is so difficult but it's OK, I am giving my family a better life.  I met taxi drivers who tell me that they were doctors and engineers in their home country but are now reduced to being a taxi driver and finding it so difficult to make ends meet.  


I guess I feel that unless you are living in a war torn country or where you are barely surviving on necessities, then migration to get a better life is justifiable.  But if it is just perception that you can get a better life, better education, etc in a western country, I think we Asians have to wake up and start seeing the beauty in our own country.  


Now that I look back, a better life would be where I am loved, where I can spend time with my family, where there is always laughter in the house.  Education is the same everywhere in the world - it's how we make the best of it.  


If life in your home country means less stress, I cannot fathom how struggling financially and being stressed all the time can constitute a 'better life'.  


Today I guess, I am feeling like the prodigal daughter...

Souffle Went Wrong

Since the dragon only enters on Feb 4, I thought I will bake some cheesecake souffle to welcome the dragon.  I had the inspiration for a souffle because I remember Calista Flockhart trying to bake one in Brothers and Sisters and Sally Field told her the secret is beating the eggs!  I beat my eggs till they are dead! In the oven they go and I was so impressed looking at them being baked in the oven.  Look at how beautiful they look rising up in the oven.  

Honestly, I was so excited and thought to myself not a bad attempt for a first timer.  Then the disaster happen when the oven goes 'ting'.  I opened up the oven door and slowly before my eyes, each souffle looks like some imaginary person is poking a pin into it!  They just deflate like a flat tyre!  :(
Now, it just looks like a flat portugese egg tart...

I will not attempt another round of souffle to welcome the dragon.  I think I will use the remaining cream cheese to make a cream cheese pound cake to welcome the dragon.