I have been meaning to give my 2cents thoughts on the education system in NZ for a while but only now found that time to write it down.
I seriously cannot understand how scary it is for a 5 years old to turn up at school and everyone there knows each other! I mean why must the school system works according to their birthdays? As as adult, I could imagine how scary it would be for me if I have to turn up to school in the middle of the week, in the middle of a school term and be introduced to a class of people who already have their own cliques. Not all type of personality would like to be thrown into that situation. For my type of personality, I would quietly sit down and listen to the teacher and just cant wait to go home.
I really cannot see the merit of making a child starts school when they turn five. Why cant the there be a two block system where children born between Jan - June starts together and June to Dec starts 2 semester later? That way they are all newbies together.
In Malaysia, those born in the same year will start school at the same time so regardless of whether you are a January child or December child, you start school together. OK, maybe at 4 yrs 1 month and 4 yrs 11 month, there is a huge development milestone. So maybe for 5 years old, they should only stay in school for half day say 9am - 12noon and school officially starts when they turn 6. Why the rush to make them start formal schooling by 5?
Most people says that the first 2 weeks of school is terrible for their child. The child doesnt like it and only starts to fit in after 2 weeks. I wonder is that a acceptance mechanism for the child? Wouldnt this make the child 'hate' school?
Well, my 2 cents thoughts is the system is sooooo scary for a child to start school. I love the Malaysia system where everyone is a newbie together, you make your friends and form your own social circle based on your likes etc. But here, you must try your luck and see which social circle 'wants' you in.
Which brings to the point that my child being a mixed blood in NZ would/might suffer some form of teasing because of his Asian blood but in Malaysia, he will be 'wanted' in most groups because of his western blood. Even for this reason itself, for the child's psychological health, we should be able to relocate back to Malaysia!
Note, this is different if my child is not in a broken family because then both his parents are around that respect each other's culture, but in a broken family, my child will be teased especially in a western country and his rather mixed looks.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
My Prison New Zealand
When I watch a movie and see the loneliness and desperation depicted in an prison inmates eyes, I never really could feel for them until these past 2 years. Although I am not physically behind bars, surrounded by 4 walls, I have the same feeling like those inmates.
I cannot leave the country with my son unless I have the Courts permission which means I actually have my freedom curbed and it is the decision of a stranger who by profession is now given the authority to rule my life.
I chose to be a stay at home mother because I believe in the benefit of it but again it is not a choice I can make. By making that choice, I have to live hand to mouth. Come to think of it, at least in prison, you get your 3 meals without worrying about it.
I am happy to compromise my lifestyle but recently, a split molar opens a whole new aspect to show that I actually have NO choice in my life right now. I have a split molar which requires extraction and in Malaysia, I could have gotten a dental implant and still be happy and confident from the inside as many who knows me, my smile means a lot to me. But my situation has rendered me choice-less. I cannot afford the exorbitant dental fee in New Zealand for a dental implant so I have to even compromise that aspect of my life.
In the end, I feel that I am treated with no respect, no freedom and now can definitely empathize with those who are being imprisoned especially those that have been wrongly imprisoned. I can definitely empathize with their feelings of hurt, desolation and loss of dignity.
My situation has make me lost all my internal dignity and now also my external dignity.
I honestly feel that what is the point of having a human rights group when it is just for namesake but violation of human rights is being rampantly practised everywhere.
A simple girl, who embraces motherhood but married the wrong man in the wrong country has her whole life in bleak because she cannot leave her young son behind to even seek dental help. All that simple girl wants is to bring up her son in an environment where it is healthier emotionally and psychologically. All that simple girl wants is to feel love and appreciated. This simple girl learns that she was never been appreciated as a wife and as THE mother of her child. Being financially incapable has rendered her a major disadvantage in the system. Here, I have to admit, it is not just the NZ system. The system in all over the world is the same - GOT MONEY GOT TALK, NO MONEY NO TALK.
So right now, even though some insensitive people might say at least you are in a nice prison, let me tell you, it does not matter where the prison is. Its the feelings inside that count, so whether it is behind bars or in a country, it is the same feeling.
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Motherhood
Last night I was watching Private Practice and Addison Montgomery said something that was really meaningful about motherhood/childbirth - it's the moment where every cell in your body transform and the woman is no longer a woman. She is now a Mother.
I experienced that magical transformation and am proud to say that I followed my heart with that transformation and did not allow society pressure to push me into 'hiding' that transformation.
I read Lee Kuan Yew's speech during Singapore's National Day Celebration. Link to the speech http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/going_extinct_is_no_fun/#idc-container He speaks on Singaporeans on the brink of extinction because everyone is too busy trying to earn more and more money, they do not want to reproduce. Women have the 5 C's criteria before they will settle down with a man and even so, it is a temporary stop of work before they want to resume in the workforce to be part of the 'team'. The thought of losing out for a few months scares these women so much that they rather not have a child.
Before the birth of my son, I am no different to those women in Singapore. The reason I took up the job offer in NZ is because I thought it will boost my career. My focus is money and society status. Then came motherhood... even then I was quite sure I will resume my career but I am thankful I allowed the transformation of cells happen and embraced motherhood. It is more rewarding and I feel that as a woman, we are made to be mothers/carer/nurturers.
I gave up my career as an Engineer and society/friends/relatives/ex-husband judge me as 'wasting my life' etc. But you know what, from where I am sitting, I see that these people who are so money focus, blinded by money and status are the one that have not lived their life. I can honestly say that whenever I walk past any of the projects I have done, it is just an empty feeling. I dont feel warmth looking at my traffic lights, roundabout etc. But I feel proud of my son when he can do a 72 piece puzzle all by himself at 3.75yrs old, I feel proud when my son could understand the concept of maths at his tender age.
In fact, I have started tutoring other children and when I get their exam results, I feel so proud of them, like they are my own children achieving the merits. It is a feeling of warmth that comes from inside, a feeling that put you in good spirit, a feeling that puts a smile on your face because there is no monetary value attached to it.
Singapore is a great country. I love Singapore and everything about it. But like Lee Kuan Yew, I feel so sad for the citizen that is on the brink of extinct. Seriously women, is money and status and being on par as your male counterpart really that important? As for men, if you respect women a bit more like ACCEPTING that women are made to care and nurture instead of fighting with us till we crumble, maybe more women are happy to embrace motherhood. Despite the hurt and pain I suffered from my ex-husband unwillingness to accept that I really cherish motherhood, I would definitely not change a thing and given the chance, will do it all over again with many more children.
I have learnt that career, status and money only defines who you are on the outside but motherhood defines who you are from the inside. Once you missed out on motherhood or certain milestone of your child's life, you can NEVER get it back. But with my career, there's always time to return to it, even if it means starting lower in the rank again.
I experienced that magical transformation and am proud to say that I followed my heart with that transformation and did not allow society pressure to push me into 'hiding' that transformation.
I read Lee Kuan Yew's speech during Singapore's National Day Celebration. Link to the speech http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/going_extinct_is_no_fun/#idc-container He speaks on Singaporeans on the brink of extinction because everyone is too busy trying to earn more and more money, they do not want to reproduce. Women have the 5 C's criteria before they will settle down with a man and even so, it is a temporary stop of work before they want to resume in the workforce to be part of the 'team'. The thought of losing out for a few months scares these women so much that they rather not have a child.
Before the birth of my son, I am no different to those women in Singapore. The reason I took up the job offer in NZ is because I thought it will boost my career. My focus is money and society status. Then came motherhood... even then I was quite sure I will resume my career but I am thankful I allowed the transformation of cells happen and embraced motherhood. It is more rewarding and I feel that as a woman, we are made to be mothers/carer/nurturers.
I gave up my career as an Engineer and society/friends/relatives/ex-husband judge me as 'wasting my life' etc. But you know what, from where I am sitting, I see that these people who are so money focus, blinded by money and status are the one that have not lived their life. I can honestly say that whenever I walk past any of the projects I have done, it is just an empty feeling. I dont feel warmth looking at my traffic lights, roundabout etc. But I feel proud of my son when he can do a 72 piece puzzle all by himself at 3.75yrs old, I feel proud when my son could understand the concept of maths at his tender age.
In fact, I have started tutoring other children and when I get their exam results, I feel so proud of them, like they are my own children achieving the merits. It is a feeling of warmth that comes from inside, a feeling that put you in good spirit, a feeling that puts a smile on your face because there is no monetary value attached to it.
Singapore is a great country. I love Singapore and everything about it. But like Lee Kuan Yew, I feel so sad for the citizen that is on the brink of extinct. Seriously women, is money and status and being on par as your male counterpart really that important? As for men, if you respect women a bit more like ACCEPTING that women are made to care and nurture instead of fighting with us till we crumble, maybe more women are happy to embrace motherhood. Despite the hurt and pain I suffered from my ex-husband unwillingness to accept that I really cherish motherhood, I would definitely not change a thing and given the chance, will do it all over again with many more children.
I have learnt that career, status and money only defines who you are on the outside but motherhood defines who you are from the inside. Once you missed out on motherhood or certain milestone of your child's life, you can NEVER get it back. But with my career, there's always time to return to it, even if it means starting lower in the rank again.
Friday, 10 August 2012
Proposed Law Reform Part 2 - Joke with God
Dear Men/ Mensz group, if you cannot recognise that a mother and a father plays a different role and want equal rights, maybe it's also about time to take God to court and tell him that you want equal rights in childbirth and pregnancy. Take God to court and say that you want to have equal share of pregnancy experience and equal share on childbirth experience. Heck, meanwhile since you are at it, also fight God for equal share in PMS.
So first, if we follow the NZ court system, you will be sent for counselling session with God. During counselling God might tell you that you do not have the anatomy for pregnancy and childbirth and it is then concluded no agreement could be reached. Then the process will move on to Counsel-led mediation. Now, this stage, the Mediator might coerce you and God to sign a compromise. So what would be your compromise that you will accept from God?
So first, if we follow the NZ court system, you will be sent for counselling session with God. During counselling God might tell you that you do not have the anatomy for pregnancy and childbirth and it is then concluded no agreement could be reached. Then the process will move on to Counsel-led mediation. Now, this stage, the Mediator might coerce you and God to sign a compromise. So what would be your compromise that you will accept from God?
Proposed Law Reform
After deciding to lay low for a long time, I feel the need to comment on the proposed law reform announced on 2/8.
Reduce the use of lawyers in court. Yay, to some of us but not necessary to everyone. Some women from an abusive relationship whether it is a physical abuse or emotional abuse would not want to face their abusive ex in court. It will be a very traumatic experience. Meanwhile for some of us, it is a huge saving. Every phone call, every e-mail to the lawyer is MONEY. At $300/hour, one has to be printing money to afford a lawyer in New Zealand.
From my perspective, the lawyers only act in their OWN interest, which is to win and to look good in the eyes of the law. If they represent the women, they do not listen to what the women want. They tell the women what the law wants them to do. If they represent the men, again they will encourage the men to exercise their rights, minimise the financial outgoing. Hence many lawyers representing men are actually telling the men - GO FOR 50/50 so that you can avoid paying child support. But how the child is supported or taken care of in the care of the working men, it doesnt matter to the lawyers. They have done their job for the men/client.
As for the so called Lawyer for the Child, this is the most ridiculous of all especially for pre-schoolers and primary school children. How could someone who knows nothing about the child represent the child? Yeah right (sarcastically) to the so called impartial view of the child. Every child is different, every child is unique but the lawyer of the child uses a check box system whilst representing a child.
Recognising Economic Abuse - applaud to that change but to what extend is considered economic abuse? There's so many gray areas that could be considered economic abuse. For instance, should a Trust be considered economic abuse? Someone who starts up a Trust to ensure that all his assets are protected are considered smart but it can be considered selfish leaving the other partner to live in a much lower economic situation after separation.
Or the current 50/50 shared parenting situation. The men usually gets the weekend while the women has the weekdays. For us women who really just want to spend time with our children, we are DENIED that opportunity if we return to the workforce. If we return to the workforce and the children is at school, our time with our children is only the few hours after work to bedtime. We DO NOT get the pleasure of having a full day with them. So for that reason, some of us choose to forgo working to be able to nurture our children. And as a result of that, we suffer economically.
Fast tracking the system - definitely applauding to that. Seriously when one decides to file in court especially for 'bigger' applications like relocation, it means that no resolution could be resolved. Why the need for the counselling, mediation, Judicial Conference, etc? It should go straight to the court hearing with the affidavits.
Now for my extra suggestions.
Psychological Assessment on a pre-schooler - that is the most ridiculous assessment to undertake for a relocation case. Yes, maybe it is necessary in an abusive family but for a relocation especially on a pre-schooler? What type of methodology could be used that could fairly justify the evaluation when a pre-schooler is at such an impressionable age? I think the use of psychology assessment is over rated and should be limited to cases where there is abuse to save time and money for the Court.
To completely minimise cost and stress to everyone, why cant we have a standard system of care of child? To be honest, pre-schoolers need their mothers most so why cant we just face and accept that as the psychology of a child and have a system based on their emotional and psychology maturity.
Reduce the use of lawyers in court. Yay, to some of us but not necessary to everyone. Some women from an abusive relationship whether it is a physical abuse or emotional abuse would not want to face their abusive ex in court. It will be a very traumatic experience. Meanwhile for some of us, it is a huge saving. Every phone call, every e-mail to the lawyer is MONEY. At $300/hour, one has to be printing money to afford a lawyer in New Zealand.
From my perspective, the lawyers only act in their OWN interest, which is to win and to look good in the eyes of the law. If they represent the women, they do not listen to what the women want. They tell the women what the law wants them to do. If they represent the men, again they will encourage the men to exercise their rights, minimise the financial outgoing. Hence many lawyers representing men are actually telling the men - GO FOR 50/50 so that you can avoid paying child support. But how the child is supported or taken care of in the care of the working men, it doesnt matter to the lawyers. They have done their job for the men/client.
As for the so called Lawyer for the Child, this is the most ridiculous of all especially for pre-schoolers and primary school children. How could someone who knows nothing about the child represent the child? Yeah right (sarcastically) to the so called impartial view of the child. Every child is different, every child is unique but the lawyer of the child uses a check box system whilst representing a child.
Recognising Economic Abuse - applaud to that change but to what extend is considered economic abuse? There's so many gray areas that could be considered economic abuse. For instance, should a Trust be considered economic abuse? Someone who starts up a Trust to ensure that all his assets are protected are considered smart but it can be considered selfish leaving the other partner to live in a much lower economic situation after separation.
Or the current 50/50 shared parenting situation. The men usually gets the weekend while the women has the weekdays. For us women who really just want to spend time with our children, we are DENIED that opportunity if we return to the workforce. If we return to the workforce and the children is at school, our time with our children is only the few hours after work to bedtime. We DO NOT get the pleasure of having a full day with them. So for that reason, some of us choose to forgo working to be able to nurture our children. And as a result of that, we suffer economically.
Fast tracking the system - definitely applauding to that. Seriously when one decides to file in court especially for 'bigger' applications like relocation, it means that no resolution could be resolved. Why the need for the counselling, mediation, Judicial Conference, etc? It should go straight to the court hearing with the affidavits.
Now for my extra suggestions.
Psychological Assessment on a pre-schooler - that is the most ridiculous assessment to undertake for a relocation case. Yes, maybe it is necessary in an abusive family but for a relocation especially on a pre-schooler? What type of methodology could be used that could fairly justify the evaluation when a pre-schooler is at such an impressionable age? I think the use of psychology assessment is over rated and should be limited to cases where there is abuse to save time and money for the Court.
To completely minimise cost and stress to everyone, why cant we have a standard system of care of child? To be honest, pre-schoolers need their mothers most so why cant we just face and accept that as the psychology of a child and have a system based on their emotional and psychology maturity.
- Preschoolers - Mother as the primary caregiver with father having access for twice a week but pre-schooler returns to mother for care at night.
- Primary School children - Mother as the primary caregiver with more involvement from the father such as picking the child up from school twice a week and taking care of the child, feeding the child and then return to mother to so that she could prepare then for school the next day. Have one day of the weekend with the child doing activities with the child and if the child is willing, stay the night.
- Secondary School children - Let the CHILD DECIDES!
NOTE: PLEASE NEVER EVER FORCE A CHILD TO STAY OVER IF THEY DO NOT WANT TO!!! But the system is forcing that because it is considered violating the parenting order.
This is a more stable arrangement for a child rather than subjecting a child to psychology assessment. Unless the child is really showing major distress, which means there is other underlying issue.
Men and lawyers (whether you are men or women), please accept that Mothers and Fathers play a different role. The child is not a furniture that has to be split. This is what the lawyers are trying to do - split the child. As for men, do you think that by fighting for the child, your child will really 'worship' you? If you are the father of a boy, you are telling the boy indirectly that he DOES NOT need to respect women. If you are the father of a daughter, you are giving teaching your daughter that she has NO self worth. Can you see the long term effects of your doing?
Well I am sure the MENSZ group will totally think I am wrong but really, sit back and think about it. Think about how you were raised.
For women, please stop fighting amongst ourselves. If you are a working successful mother, do not look down on us who choose to give up everything to care for our children. Please look back for most of you successful woman out there, you are a result of a stay at home mother/carer. Without that constant stable care, you wouldnt be where you are at the moment. Please look back and realised that it was your mother who sacrifice for your success - you were free to concentrate on your studies and activities instead of doing housework and helping out at home, taking care of siblings, etc. Did you ever once stop and thank her for giving up her 'life' for you but instead you seem more keen to not end up like her!
Instead you think that you have done your obligation by providing her with a maid and money. Now that I am a mother, I can tell all of you so called successful women out there, that is not what your elderly mother wants. All she wants is for you to thank her for your success, to spend some time with her in your free time and not spend every moment on your Ipad, IMac, Iphone or whatever IAppliance. They do not want the money, as what could they do with the money? They are elderly, so there's no desire to where Donna Karan dresses and have regular cut and foil, their taste bud has deteriorated so expensive food makes no difference to them. But what makes the difference is that you appreciate them for their sacrifice and not treat them like a hassle, a 'useless' person who has make nothing out of her life. Think about it all of you successful people out there!
Sunday, 8 July 2012
End of the World
Hmm.. I had the strangest dream last night but it also feel kinda real. Maybe it is a play of my subconscious mind after reading some NASA article about end of the world. I can only remember my dream in fragments but the few things that clearly stayed in my head is
1) 7 countries/lands will disappear and 7 new ones will appear when 'end of the world' happens.
2) I asked God in my dream which country and HE said that HE has already warn the countries by inflicting the country with disaster!
I woke up thinking New Zealand has been inflicted with quake quite a bit! And the crumble of the Cathedral in Christchurch... was that a sign? Especially when the name of the place is called 'ChristChurch'. Does that mean 'Christ's Church' is no longer in NZ?
Oh well, I remember talking to a friend and she said NZ has become quite secular. So my prayer for NZ is maybe to repent and pray.
1) 7 countries/lands will disappear and 7 new ones will appear when 'end of the world' happens.
2) I asked God in my dream which country and HE said that HE has already warn the countries by inflicting the country with disaster!
I woke up thinking New Zealand has been inflicted with quake quite a bit! And the crumble of the Cathedral in Christchurch... was that a sign? Especially when the name of the place is called 'ChristChurch'. Does that mean 'Christ's Church' is no longer in NZ?
Oh well, I remember talking to a friend and she said NZ has become quite secular. So my prayer for NZ is maybe to repent and pray.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Fairness
I cannot understand the Law of this world. When he takes out a Non-Removal Order, I do not need to be consulted. It was a decision reducing me to choose between my child or my family. He can be granted it because of his fear. But when I want to go back home, his views need to be heard. Why wasnt my views heard when he took out the Non-Removal Order? It is such a stupid Law. Ridiculous. Completely one-sided. It is OK to imprison someone but it is NOT OK for someone to seek a better life. It is OK to make me choose between my child or my parents but it is NOT OK for him to choose.
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Good friends are hard to find
Sometime back, I saw a blog about I Wish I had a Best friend. This blogger mentioned how when she feels that she has met her sister/soul mate, it turns out that they only want her to do babysitting jobs, running errands, etc. Lately, this is how I feel about the friendships I have developed.
When I moved to another suburb, friends from the old suburb no longer keep in contact on the basis that I am too far away. When I thought I have met some new friends, it feels like the friendship must be based on their terms. To a certain extent, I kind of feel like an Ah Mah to them. I am OK and good to be used for reliable stuff but being counted out for social stuff. Sometimes I cant help thinking is it because I am a single mother so I dont fall in the league for social gatherings but I am in the league to be counted on to babysit and doing responsible stuff.
But vice versa, if I ask for help for my situation, I get shoved aside because they are all too busy with their life to feel how I feel.
Guess note to self is to find a genuine friendship rather than one that is one-sided. I also cannot help it but find that people are so self-centered and critical nowadays. Just when I also thought I meet someone I can relate to, I find the person to be so full of their own ways and cannot accept other people for who they are.
As for now, I know the friendship between my son and I are genuine so he is everything to me and perfect to me. So I do not feel guilty for putting my son first above anything and to defend my son over criticism and unfair treatment.
When I moved to another suburb, friends from the old suburb no longer keep in contact on the basis that I am too far away. When I thought I have met some new friends, it feels like the friendship must be based on their terms. To a certain extent, I kind of feel like an Ah Mah to them. I am OK and good to be used for reliable stuff but being counted out for social stuff. Sometimes I cant help thinking is it because I am a single mother so I dont fall in the league for social gatherings but I am in the league to be counted on to babysit and doing responsible stuff.
But vice versa, if I ask for help for my situation, I get shoved aside because they are all too busy with their life to feel how I feel.
Guess note to self is to find a genuine friendship rather than one that is one-sided. I also cannot help it but find that people are so self-centered and critical nowadays. Just when I also thought I meet someone I can relate to, I find the person to be so full of their own ways and cannot accept other people for who they are.
As for now, I know the friendship between my son and I are genuine so he is everything to me and perfect to me. So I do not feel guilty for putting my son first above anything and to defend my son over criticism and unfair treatment.
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Punishment Society
Yesterday I saw in my newsfeed a video of a woman beating her baby with a pillow. I will not repost the video here for I believe enough damage has been done by the social networking. So I read and see that how judgmental we all are. We just want to crucify her without even knowing the situation. OK, now the story is out. She was raped, gave birth to this baby and now looks like she is abusing the baby.
I was looking at the video and as a mother, it was heart wrenching to see the baby being beaten up. But upon looking at the video with another perspective, I see that she was beating the baby with a pillow, not something hard or sharp. With my mind clear of judgement, to me, it looks like the woman herself is equally the victim. It looks like she loves the baby as much as she hates the baby. The baby reminds her of a horrid incident but she also loves the baby. The baby actually looks a healthy size and no significant bruises are seen on the baby.
Today, I saw comments saying that the 18 months jail sentence is inadequate for her behaviour. Again, it really hurts me to see how quick we are to cast judgement, to crucify someone we deem to be unfit or bad based on our own experience and yardstick. But is the 18 months jail sentence going to help anyone? Probably results in more anger and hurt in this woman and result in 3 children living without their mother for 18 months.
We live in a 'punishment' to justify the means society. Is it really going to work? What happens after 18 months, after her release? She might even have more anger towards this baby because she will think it is the baby that put her behind bars, this baby that resulted in her being torn away from her own kids for 18 months. Can we not be a bit more compassionate and understand that not everyone have a breezy life and this woman is also a victim herself.
Wouldnt it be better to sentence her to 18 months of 24/7 supervised care by a nurse or a trainer professional and let her heal/come to terms that this baby is already in this world and is part of her. Give her guidance and let her decide whether she can face the baby and if she cant, prepare and coach her to give the baby up for adoption. Let everyone heal including the baby. But putting her behind bars do not do anything good for anyone but create bigger resentment and anger.
Looking at the video, I do wonder if she had has the choice of abortion, would it turn out better for her and that baby? Killing a baby in the womb vs hurting a baby which could lead to long term emotional, psychological and physical effect...
We should really not be so quick to cast our first condemnation on people. There is always a circumstances or a history.
I was looking at the video and as a mother, it was heart wrenching to see the baby being beaten up. But upon looking at the video with another perspective, I see that she was beating the baby with a pillow, not something hard or sharp. With my mind clear of judgement, to me, it looks like the woman herself is equally the victim. It looks like she loves the baby as much as she hates the baby. The baby reminds her of a horrid incident but she also loves the baby. The baby actually looks a healthy size and no significant bruises are seen on the baby.
Today, I saw comments saying that the 18 months jail sentence is inadequate for her behaviour. Again, it really hurts me to see how quick we are to cast judgement, to crucify someone we deem to be unfit or bad based on our own experience and yardstick. But is the 18 months jail sentence going to help anyone? Probably results in more anger and hurt in this woman and result in 3 children living without their mother for 18 months.
We live in a 'punishment' to justify the means society. Is it really going to work? What happens after 18 months, after her release? She might even have more anger towards this baby because she will think it is the baby that put her behind bars, this baby that resulted in her being torn away from her own kids for 18 months. Can we not be a bit more compassionate and understand that not everyone have a breezy life and this woman is also a victim herself.
Wouldnt it be better to sentence her to 18 months of 24/7 supervised care by a nurse or a trainer professional and let her heal/come to terms that this baby is already in this world and is part of her. Give her guidance and let her decide whether she can face the baby and if she cant, prepare and coach her to give the baby up for adoption. Let everyone heal including the baby. But putting her behind bars do not do anything good for anyone but create bigger resentment and anger.
Looking at the video, I do wonder if she had has the choice of abortion, would it turn out better for her and that baby? Killing a baby in the womb vs hurting a baby which could lead to long term emotional, psychological and physical effect...
We should really not be so quick to cast our first condemnation on people. There is always a circumstances or a history.
Friday, 4 May 2012
Hurt
I struggle to find a Title for my post. I am feeling a mixture of emotion. When I handed my son over yesterday, he was still OK but received a call last night, 3 hours after I handed my son over to say that my son is sick. First it was surprise to know that in 3 hours, he fell sick and then it was anger because I cant be there to hold my sick child. With my anger and all emotions still seething, I got a call from a friend. Another single mother whose child didnt want to go to dad's for the weekend but she has already made plans so was asked to babysit.
That stirred up even more anger in me. Can the law makers, psychologist see what they are doing to our kids by FORCING them to live out of a knapsack? I see the emphasis is EQUAL time with both parents are considered GOOD for the child's psychology. Please have some basis on that. As far as I can see, EQUAL time makes the child feels unwanted, unloved. It's quality time that matters, not Equal time. A child is not a possession that can be split equally.
Since I open up, I have heard so many children saying the same thing - DREAD the sleepover at dad's. The older ones feel that it restricts their activities with their friends. They cant do things or they feel embarrassed when they have to tell their friends that they cant do something this weekend because they are over at dad's. The younger ones like stability. They want someone to cuddle them to sleep and dad/men are usually not the type to cuddle a child to sleep. Nevertheless of the reasons, this is not working. The one that is suffering are the children.
Dear lawmakers, psychologist and those people who judges based on their perception, have you seen a child cry and hide under a bed because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child asking you to hide them because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child's telling white lies to see whether you love them and will save them? Have you seen a child getting all anxious when they see you pack their bags? Have you seen a child filled with so much anger that they hate both the parents and it is all the doing of the law and society?
I have heard some of these horror stories, witness some of these myself and experienced some of this myself. Do you know how painful it is for us? I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed that I am no longer going to be politically correct. To those of you who has resulted in my child in this fate and to those who judged me based on your own perception, I know with all my heart the same will happen to your children and marriage. Judge your fellow brethen and you will also be judged or experience the pain.
That stirred up even more anger in me. Can the law makers, psychologist see what they are doing to our kids by FORCING them to live out of a knapsack? I see the emphasis is EQUAL time with both parents are considered GOOD for the child's psychology. Please have some basis on that. As far as I can see, EQUAL time makes the child feels unwanted, unloved. It's quality time that matters, not Equal time. A child is not a possession that can be split equally.
Since I open up, I have heard so many children saying the same thing - DREAD the sleepover at dad's. The older ones feel that it restricts their activities with their friends. They cant do things or they feel embarrassed when they have to tell their friends that they cant do something this weekend because they are over at dad's. The younger ones like stability. They want someone to cuddle them to sleep and dad/men are usually not the type to cuddle a child to sleep. Nevertheless of the reasons, this is not working. The one that is suffering are the children.
Dear lawmakers, psychologist and those people who judges based on their perception, have you seen a child cry and hide under a bed because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child asking you to hide them because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child's telling white lies to see whether you love them and will save them? Have you seen a child getting all anxious when they see you pack their bags? Have you seen a child filled with so much anger that they hate both the parents and it is all the doing of the law and society?
I have heard some of these horror stories, witness some of these myself and experienced some of this myself. Do you know how painful it is for us? I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed that I am no longer going to be politically correct. To those of you who has resulted in my child in this fate and to those who judged me based on your own perception, I know with all my heart the same will happen to your children and marriage. Judge your fellow brethen and you will also be judged or experience the pain.
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