With the summer weather, I have been battling with flies in the house! This fly situation in my house makes me think of my life, the way it is now. I am so annoyed with the flies inside my house, I spend time trying to shoo them out. I try my best not to swap them as I feel guilty killing them. It's like an endless vicious cycle. I open the windows to get some breeze, fly comes in, I shoo it out, close the window and then it comes in again when I open the window.
To many other people, I am asking for this endless vicious cycle. I could just swap them and they are dead! Yeah, I guess I could but I feel guilty. When I do swap them, I pick them up and put them in a tissue and wrap them up with dignity.
So maybe it is my personality that is resulting my life to be this endless battle with family court and endless hurt by the ex-husband. I am not strong enough to swap the trouble away.
Another alternative is to install fly screens all around the windows and doors. So I guess for my personality, prevention is the only way I can protect my child and my heart. But how do I prevent it? I wish there is a solution as simple as just installing fly screens around the house.
I guess while most people look forward to weekends, I dread the weekends. I dread it because I dont get to see my child when weekend comes along. So today's blog is a nonsense blog except to someone who is empathetic. Then they know the turmoil in me. The anger but not allowed to show because it is wrong to show your anger in this modern pretentious world. The hurt and the tears but yet again, not allowed to cry because then you are considered unstable and not normal or wallowing in self pity.
There is no more outlet in this fake world. Either you pretend to be what others want you to be and accept their decision or you are considered abnormal, unstable, etc... and the Law is not about being righteous but a 'blind follow' of some written text by somebody.
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