I cringe whenever I think of holidays now. I keep hearing the words
"Which 2 days do you want? The two days before Easter or after Easter?"
"Which 2 weeks of Christmas works for you?"
Seriously, whenever I think of holidays, I feel like my son is being treated like a commodity. Something that parents split! It is so painful... but these quotes keep me sane. Keep me going that and letting me know I am not the insane one...
1) "It was awful, just awful, being without my Mum and so far away from her. Even with a loving father, I felt like a huge piece of me was missing with out my Mother. I think all children feel the same way about their mothers (despite what the men's groups are trying to say)."
2) Instead, it will simply say the courts should keep the idea of a meaningful relationship with an absentee father in mind when they make decisions about a childs future.
3) Shared Parenting is hurting children. - Jennifer McIntosh
4) In the best of these cases, the nonresidential parent remains welcome in and supportive of, the child's primary home, has remained "family", and the child feels free to spend time with that parent in the same way the child would remain free to visit with a relative across the street. But the child is not living in two disparate places at once, in two separate households (or families) at the same time.
5) Joint Custody harms children, infant struggles. Report from University news & Info
6) If you look at the overwhelming number of divorced parents who have remained friends, you invariably will see that one of the parents has sole custody (or what amounts to sole custody), but the other isn't concerned about this in the least.
7) McIntosh Study 2006 : Children whose emotional well-being was poorest at the end of the year were those living in shared care with the combined stressors of highly conflicted parents and poor maternal availability.
8) Joint physical custody is logistically impractical and psychologically detrimental.
9) "Joint custody awards do not improve the lot of children. In fact, most children in court-imposed joint custody (not just those with abusive fathers) do poorly and are more depressed and disturbed than children in sole custody, even when the parents genuinely choose joint custody. Furthermore, joint custody results in lower child support awards, which fathers are no more likely to pay than awards made when the mother has sole custody. Joint custody does not even result in the father spending any more time with his children."
10) "There are many things wrong with this unthinking rush to joint custody, but the primary objection is that it changes the focus of custody away from the 'best interests of the child' to the best interests of the parents -- or, more precisely, to the best interests of the father."
11) Joint custody *increases*, not decreases, covert resentment and conflict
12) Psychological researchers who have expressed negative opinions about joint custody include, among others, Anna Freud and Judith Wallerstein. A major problem according to Wallerstein, is that the child lives life in a "no man's land." Having children routinely shift as a temporary resident between two households that have other permanent members who "really" live there full time presents a destructive outlook for a child, damaging of identity and self-esteem.
13) It would be far better for the child to have one stable one-parent "intact" home and for the other parent to visit in a complementary way, than to create the conflict of competing "homes."
14) Children need to know where home is, and what they get there or do not get there, they carry with them for the remainder of their lives.
15) "The children in this study whose lives were governed by court orders or mediated parental arrangements all told me that they felt like second-class citizens who had lost the freedoms their peers took for granted. They say that as they grew older and craved independence, they had even less say, less control over their schedules and less power to determine when and where they could spend their time -- especially precious vacation time."
16) While divorce hurts children, living with parents who continually wage embittered battles is even worse. Research shows that the children who suffer most are those whose parents divorce, and then carry on the battle for years. The courts have often believed that awarding joint custody would force parents to put aside their anger and cooperate for the sake of the children. However, often, the opposite occurs. The children become either the weapons or the trophies
17) "...[C]hildren are people not houses. They looked forward to a time when they could stop living like nomads."
18) According to Trinder's research, using the law to settle custody disputes usually makes matters worse for all concerned but she is clear that 'cutting children in half' is not the answer."
19) Look what happened to joint custody. As a lifestyle, it just does not work. Its only arguable accomplishment probably is to ultimately send more children into the sole custody of their fathers than otherwise would occur.
19) Fathers used joint custody as a means of taking children away from their mothers. - ABUSE!
It is used as a stepping stone where the real agenda is to position the father to remove custody of children from the mother down the road (often he cannot do that at the time of divorce because he has not established himself as an equivalent parent.
20) Children of divorce are having more problems -- assuming they are -- it's more likely to be because of the rise in popularity of the ridiculous, schizophrenic, and unstable co-parenting ideology, which in turn is increasing the absence of mothers from their children's lives, as well as increasing stressful, wasteful, and expensive years of "burgeoning custody litigation,"
21) The reality of joint custody is not "sharing" and it's not "two homes." It's "no home."
22) JOINT physical custody isn't about "sharing." It's about splitting the spoils (in this case, rendering children possessions) down the middle to "share" in the sense of halving.
No comments:
Post a Comment