Sometime back, I saw a blog about I Wish I had a Best friend. This blogger mentioned how when she feels that she has met her sister/soul mate, it turns out that they only want her to do babysitting jobs, running errands, etc. Lately, this is how I feel about the friendships I have developed.
When I moved to another suburb, friends from the old suburb no longer keep in contact on the basis that I am too far away. When I thought I have met some new friends, it feels like the friendship must be based on their terms. To a certain extent, I kind of feel like an Ah Mah to them. I am OK and good to be used for reliable stuff but being counted out for social stuff. Sometimes I cant help thinking is it because I am a single mother so I dont fall in the league for social gatherings but I am in the league to be counted on to babysit and doing responsible stuff.
But vice versa, if I ask for help for my situation, I get shoved aside because they are all too busy with their life to feel how I feel.
Guess note to self is to find a genuine friendship rather than one that is one-sided. I also cannot help it but find that people are so self-centered and critical nowadays. Just when I also thought I meet someone I can relate to, I find the person to be so full of their own ways and cannot accept other people for who they are.
As for now, I know the friendship between my son and I are genuine so he is everything to me and perfect to me. So I do not feel guilty for putting my son first above anything and to defend my son over criticism and unfair treatment.
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Wednesday 9 May 2012
Punishment Society
Yesterday I saw in my newsfeed a video of a woman beating her baby with a pillow. I will not repost the video here for I believe enough damage has been done by the social networking. So I read and see that how judgmental we all are. We just want to crucify her without even knowing the situation. OK, now the story is out. She was raped, gave birth to this baby and now looks like she is abusing the baby.
I was looking at the video and as a mother, it was heart wrenching to see the baby being beaten up. But upon looking at the video with another perspective, I see that she was beating the baby with a pillow, not something hard or sharp. With my mind clear of judgement, to me, it looks like the woman herself is equally the victim. It looks like she loves the baby as much as she hates the baby. The baby reminds her of a horrid incident but she also loves the baby. The baby actually looks a healthy size and no significant bruises are seen on the baby.
Today, I saw comments saying that the 18 months jail sentence is inadequate for her behaviour. Again, it really hurts me to see how quick we are to cast judgement, to crucify someone we deem to be unfit or bad based on our own experience and yardstick. But is the 18 months jail sentence going to help anyone? Probably results in more anger and hurt in this woman and result in 3 children living without their mother for 18 months.
We live in a 'punishment' to justify the means society. Is it really going to work? What happens after 18 months, after her release? She might even have more anger towards this baby because she will think it is the baby that put her behind bars, this baby that resulted in her being torn away from her own kids for 18 months. Can we not be a bit more compassionate and understand that not everyone have a breezy life and this woman is also a victim herself.
Wouldnt it be better to sentence her to 18 months of 24/7 supervised care by a nurse or a trainer professional and let her heal/come to terms that this baby is already in this world and is part of her. Give her guidance and let her decide whether she can face the baby and if she cant, prepare and coach her to give the baby up for adoption. Let everyone heal including the baby. But putting her behind bars do not do anything good for anyone but create bigger resentment and anger.
Looking at the video, I do wonder if she had has the choice of abortion, would it turn out better for her and that baby? Killing a baby in the womb vs hurting a baby which could lead to long term emotional, psychological and physical effect...
We should really not be so quick to cast our first condemnation on people. There is always a circumstances or a history.
I was looking at the video and as a mother, it was heart wrenching to see the baby being beaten up. But upon looking at the video with another perspective, I see that she was beating the baby with a pillow, not something hard or sharp. With my mind clear of judgement, to me, it looks like the woman herself is equally the victim. It looks like she loves the baby as much as she hates the baby. The baby reminds her of a horrid incident but she also loves the baby. The baby actually looks a healthy size and no significant bruises are seen on the baby.
Today, I saw comments saying that the 18 months jail sentence is inadequate for her behaviour. Again, it really hurts me to see how quick we are to cast judgement, to crucify someone we deem to be unfit or bad based on our own experience and yardstick. But is the 18 months jail sentence going to help anyone? Probably results in more anger and hurt in this woman and result in 3 children living without their mother for 18 months.
We live in a 'punishment' to justify the means society. Is it really going to work? What happens after 18 months, after her release? She might even have more anger towards this baby because she will think it is the baby that put her behind bars, this baby that resulted in her being torn away from her own kids for 18 months. Can we not be a bit more compassionate and understand that not everyone have a breezy life and this woman is also a victim herself.
Wouldnt it be better to sentence her to 18 months of 24/7 supervised care by a nurse or a trainer professional and let her heal/come to terms that this baby is already in this world and is part of her. Give her guidance and let her decide whether she can face the baby and if she cant, prepare and coach her to give the baby up for adoption. Let everyone heal including the baby. But putting her behind bars do not do anything good for anyone but create bigger resentment and anger.
Looking at the video, I do wonder if she had has the choice of abortion, would it turn out better for her and that baby? Killing a baby in the womb vs hurting a baby which could lead to long term emotional, psychological and physical effect...
We should really not be so quick to cast our first condemnation on people. There is always a circumstances or a history.
Friday 4 May 2012
Hurt
I struggle to find a Title for my post. I am feeling a mixture of emotion. When I handed my son over yesterday, he was still OK but received a call last night, 3 hours after I handed my son over to say that my son is sick. First it was surprise to know that in 3 hours, he fell sick and then it was anger because I cant be there to hold my sick child. With my anger and all emotions still seething, I got a call from a friend. Another single mother whose child didnt want to go to dad's for the weekend but she has already made plans so was asked to babysit.
That stirred up even more anger in me. Can the law makers, psychologist see what they are doing to our kids by FORCING them to live out of a knapsack? I see the emphasis is EQUAL time with both parents are considered GOOD for the child's psychology. Please have some basis on that. As far as I can see, EQUAL time makes the child feels unwanted, unloved. It's quality time that matters, not Equal time. A child is not a possession that can be split equally.
Since I open up, I have heard so many children saying the same thing - DREAD the sleepover at dad's. The older ones feel that it restricts their activities with their friends. They cant do things or they feel embarrassed when they have to tell their friends that they cant do something this weekend because they are over at dad's. The younger ones like stability. They want someone to cuddle them to sleep and dad/men are usually not the type to cuddle a child to sleep. Nevertheless of the reasons, this is not working. The one that is suffering are the children.
Dear lawmakers, psychologist and those people who judges based on their perception, have you seen a child cry and hide under a bed because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child asking you to hide them because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child's telling white lies to see whether you love them and will save them? Have you seen a child getting all anxious when they see you pack their bags? Have you seen a child filled with so much anger that they hate both the parents and it is all the doing of the law and society?
I have heard some of these horror stories, witness some of these myself and experienced some of this myself. Do you know how painful it is for us? I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed that I am no longer going to be politically correct. To those of you who has resulted in my child in this fate and to those who judged me based on your own perception, I know with all my heart the same will happen to your children and marriage. Judge your fellow brethen and you will also be judged or experience the pain.
That stirred up even more anger in me. Can the law makers, psychologist see what they are doing to our kids by FORCING them to live out of a knapsack? I see the emphasis is EQUAL time with both parents are considered GOOD for the child's psychology. Please have some basis on that. As far as I can see, EQUAL time makes the child feels unwanted, unloved. It's quality time that matters, not Equal time. A child is not a possession that can be split equally.
Since I open up, I have heard so many children saying the same thing - DREAD the sleepover at dad's. The older ones feel that it restricts their activities with their friends. They cant do things or they feel embarrassed when they have to tell their friends that they cant do something this weekend because they are over at dad's. The younger ones like stability. They want someone to cuddle them to sleep and dad/men are usually not the type to cuddle a child to sleep. Nevertheless of the reasons, this is not working. The one that is suffering are the children.
Dear lawmakers, psychologist and those people who judges based on their perception, have you seen a child cry and hide under a bed because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child asking you to hide them because the weekend is coming? Have you seen a child's telling white lies to see whether you love them and will save them? Have you seen a child getting all anxious when they see you pack their bags? Have you seen a child filled with so much anger that they hate both the parents and it is all the doing of the law and society?
I have heard some of these horror stories, witness some of these myself and experienced some of this myself. Do you know how painful it is for us? I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed that I am no longer going to be politically correct. To those of you who has resulted in my child in this fate and to those who judged me based on your own perception, I know with all my heart the same will happen to your children and marriage. Judge your fellow brethen and you will also be judged or experience the pain.
Joyous Reunion
Nayati returned home on Thursday. Prayers answered, the boy unharmed. Parents elated and well wishers are happy and relieved. Praises rang out to the police and people involved in returning Nayati to his parents. Kidnappers got their money but still on the loose... However, I have to add an extra 'praise' (cant find the right word) to the kidnappers for not harming the boy. At least there is a little humanity in them.
Happy ending makes everyone happy. Will I get my happy ending with my son?
Happy ending makes everyone happy. Will I get my happy ending with my son?
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