East meets West

Ha, today I am going through a "It's not my fault stage". I felt that if someone had just told my ex-husband what to do and expect with an Asian woman, then maybe my life would be different.  I was thinking if only that someone has written an article like this and it is a pre-requisite for kwai lo to read if they want to marry a traditional Asian woman.  

What happens when East meets West in a relationship? Nowadays, probably not much of a difference as a percentage of Asian women has evolved their thinking to be on par with their western counterpart. This article is to provide an insight for a western man wanting to date a more CONSERVATIVE Asian woman. These tips are based on my observation and my personal feelings therefore it is not entirely applicable to all Asian women especially modern, career minded Asian women.

• Going dutch on a date

That is a no-no with the conservative Asian women. We prefer to pay on a rotation basis. Say, the man pays for this date and the woman the next date. There are two reasons behind this. One, we Asian women are brought up to respect the man and by offering to pay or go dutch, it kind of intimidates the man. Second, when the man pays, it gives us a sense of security which means the man can PROVIDE. 

• Prefer the man to initiate dates

Conservative Asian women (note conservative) are rather shy by nature and will not on her own organise a date on her own initiation. No matter how much she misses and like the man, she will wait for him to initiate a date. She might start initiating dates once the relationship is steady but not at the initial stage. 

• Prefer the man to be the decision maker

This is a catch 22 situation. When you ask an Asian woman where she would like to go or what she wants to eat, a common answer is 'Anything' or 'Anywhere' - which in essence means you need to read her mind! Then you proceed to make arrangement to a place or suggest a certain type of food and you will get a negative comment like "I don't eat this", "We've been there before" etc. Unfortunately there is no fast rule/answer to this 'custom'. You just have to persist to understand the Asian woman that you are dating. 

• Loves gifts

This is purely from my observation. During the initial dating stage, she will like to receive 'cute' gifts such as soft toy. Once the relationship is steady, her interest in cute gifts disappears to make way for more practical gifts. Perhaps psychologically, at the initial stage cute gifts indicate that you are interested in her physically and the practical gifts at later stage indicate your willingness to commit. 

• Holding hands and goodbye kiss is a BIG deal

Unlike our western counterpart, Asian women feel that holding hands means commitment! That applies to goodbye kiss too. Do not offer to hold her hands or give a goodbye kiss if you are not sure of your feelings for her. She will read into those two gestures wrongly. 

• Can be quite conservative in certain aspect pertaining the Asian culture and family

This will vary from women to women depending on their upbringing. For example, some Asian women still have a curfew even at the age of 30. This is because the society that they were brought up view an unmarried woman out with a man after a certain time is undesirable. Other examples are drinking alcohol, gambling or even speaking up is not encouraged amongst some Asian woman. In this situation, it is best to get to know her family and upbringing. 

• Cohabitation is still not 'acceptable' in the Asian society

Cohabitation is getting popular amongst the younger generation but the older Asian generation still views it as 'unholy'. Do not be surprised if you are 'forced' into marriage if you initiate cohabitation with a conservative Asian woman especially if both of you are living in an Asian country. 

• Not as affectionate in showing their feelings compare to their western counterpart

Asian women do not openly declare her love or kiss in public. She tends to be more conservative and shy when it comes to showing affection. However, this does not indicate she does not love you. Asian women shows affection through other avenues such as preparing meals for you, making sure you has clean laundry etc. In short, conservative Asian women show their love through nurturing. 

• Not as open minded therefore can come across as jealousy

When dating an Asian woman, you might find that she gets jealous if you have a close woman friend or if she sees you openly embrace another woman. Therefore, if you want to date an Asian woman, you will need to refrain some of your open affection towards the opposite sex and also be completely honest with her. 

• Asian women prefers man with a steady career

This might sound shallow but conservative Asian woman still view the man as the provider. You need not be rich but you must be mature with plans for the future. The live one day at a time and spend as though today is your last day do not go down well with an Asian woman. Have a financial plan i.e savings and a steady career - that is already a step towards her heart.