Compromise, Accept, Endure

Today, 5th October 2010, I wrote this article because I wished I could tell my ex-husband that we could work on our marriage based on these qualities but I know it is too late.  I could sense that he has already fallen out of love with me...  this article is just to improve on my bruised ego and as a reminder to myself if I ever find someone again. 

COMPROMISE is an important step in a relationship. No two people are born alike so there are bound to be characteristics in each other that will tick you. The "I am Right" or "I Must Win" attitude will not work if you want to achieve a committed relationship. One common example that seems to plaque a lot of couples - Leaving the Toilet seat Up/Down. Bear in mind too that compromise does not mean giving in all the time or self sacrificing. Here, I will illustrate with a story of my friend and how she managed to turn the situation around. Robert is a typical guy who always forgets to put the toilet seat down each time after using. Jo is no doubt annoyed with that but compromised and put the toilet seat down if she sees the seat up. One day, she to decided to tell Robert that leaving the toilet seat down is bad 'feng shui'. It will flush away all his earnings. Robert being a businessman became paranoid and from then on rarely forgets to put the toilet seat down. In the odd cases where Robert forgets, Jo will do so herself and not constantly 'threaten' him with the 'feng shui' story. In this situation, both Jo and Robert compromised without much of a self sacrifice in either party.

ACCEPTANCE is the next step after compromising. I strongly believe these two words go hand in hand. Once you can compromise, it also indicates that you can accept. Everyone of us have our flaws be it something simple like digging nose to something more embarrassing like speaking vulgar words. Acceptance in the form of accepting the other party family, background and culture is also important in achieving a committed relationship. Although initially a relationship is between two people but once committed it is between two families.

Lastly ENDURANCE. It sounds terrible isn't it? You probably ask Why Endure when there is Love? Actually true love requires a lot of endurance. Sometimes when compromises cannot be achieved, you choose to endure. A simple form of endurance - Snoring! Majority of the other half will just endure their partners snoring without complaining. For me, I use to tell myself it's just white noise and soon got used it.

In short, first work out within yourself what are both your differences and see whether a compromise can be achieved between the two of you. Then accept the other party for who they are including their culture, background, family and lifestyle. Last of all, endurance is the key element to staying committed. Remember no one is perfect. If you think you are enduring your the other half, bear in mind he/she is doing the same towards you.