For the Love of a Child

A very tearful day for me.  My mum leaves NZ and I feel like a child - all alone, unloved.  I am an emotional wreck tonight.  I am also very angry with the NZ family law.  I am also angry with the world so here I wrote this to channel my anger towards the West.  

My mum leaves to go home today. It is back to just my son and I in New Zealand. The emptiness is overwhelming on this first night for both my son and I. Although I am proud of him for holding up so well as a toddler, after 3 months of having my family pampering him. Tonight, in the still of the night, I felt compelled to write to Betty Mahmoody. She is the author of Not Without My Daughter and For The Love of A Child. Unfortunately I could not find her contact details anywhere on the internet. Therefore I decided to pen my feelings in my blogsite.

In Not Without My Daugther, Betty talks about her courageous escape from Iran back to the US after being kidnapped by her husband. Her second book, For The Love of A Child, talks about the courageous extremes a left behind parent would undertake to get their child back. When I read Betty's books, I was not a separated woman with a toddler therefore I had the same feelings of 'disgust' towards the parent that takes the child away. Now that I am a single mother, in a country where I have no family and most friends have their own family, I could totally understand the actions of that parent. The one conclusion I could draw from For The Love of A Child is all the parent that 'kidnapped' the children go back to their hometown, where their families reside. All the cases mentioned in Betty's book are children result of a bi-cultural marriage. One spouse moves into the country of the other spouse, has children and later decided to bring their child/children back to their origin country. What was not mentioned in Betty's book is the reason why these parents took their child back? Is it the lack of support from their spouse or they realised that bringing up a child without the support of their own family is quite a task? Or could it be that they have discussed their wishes with their spouse but it was turned down so they resorted to desperate measure?

I do wish I could also go back to my hometown for love and support but I do not want to be labelled a 'kidnapper' and the father of my child will become the helpless left behind parent although in essence, he walked out of the relationship. Of course I did discuss with the father of my child whether I could go back for some respite for a couple of years until its schooling years for our child. The answer is a blatant no for the reason that he would still like to see his child once a week. For this one reason, I decided to stay back in New Zealand, out of respect for him as the father.

Here I am all by myself nurturing my child and hoping that this is the best decision for him. In the meantime, I would like everyone out there who blamed parents who 'kidnapped' their child/children back to their hometown to really understand the situation before forming a biased opinion on them. Being alone in a country without support and with a child can be tough financially, emotionally, physically and psychologically. I was affected by a bad bout of bad health which could be due to emotional stress and environmental (extremely cold winter). Without my family and for the love of my child, I chose to not admit myself to the hospital for pneumonia but chugged along at home so that I could be there for my child. I do not deny since my separation, I am extra protective over my child because I feel indebted to him. It does get really tough and so far I thank God for giving me the strength to continue nurturing my child all by myself.